Whada We Do Now?
by DaniWrites
Summary: Edward and Bella have been together for a few years, and they both think they've fallen out of love. Will that change when Bella finds out Edward's knocked her up? Hmm... stick around for the hilarity! I suck at sums. AH, M for language & lemons
1. SwanCullen residence

**A/N - Hello there Lovely Readers! So some of you may be familiar with my other story "Where You Least Expect It". I'm sorry if your angry at me for starting this story when I clearly have the cliff hanger of all effing cliffies on WYLEI but I'm at a sort of road block there. I'm sure if you read it, you're all "WTF Dani! Just let them bang and it'll all be great!" But that wouldn't do for that Edward. **

**These characters started talking to me in bed a few nights ago and I had 4 chaps written in 24 hours. I wanted to play with a bit before I posted, to make sure I could really have this go on. I haven't seen anything like it, and I really like it... like... A. LOT. I'm having a really friggin good time with it. **

**This is also the first story I'm writing from both POV's, but I'm gonna tell you RIGHT NOW that I'm not going to flip flop like a fish on a dock. I'll do a few chaps at a time from each, or maybe just one. I'm having a really good time in this Edward's head. **

**P to the S I'm gonna rec a lil story real quick called "Progress" by 107yearoldvirgin. It totes brings out the LOLs. Seriously, I laughed til I almost peed myself reading that stuff. **

**I didn't create Twilight... I did how ever create the awesomeness that was my hair the other day and had NO WHERE to go to show it off. Totally sucked ass. **

**I won't be adding songs for each chap, because sometimes, at least in my brain, a song just doesn't fit. This song will appear periodically throuought this story though, so pay attention. :-D **

I wanna wear your raincoat,  
I wanna wear your yellow raincoat  
Cause the sky is coming down  
And I'm lying on the ground  
I wanna wear your raincoat  
Can I please wear your yellow raincoat?

I drift along in a sea of doubt  
I can hear your name as the tide rolls out  
And I never thought I'd live my life without you  
I'm standing outside waiting around without you  
Standing outside breaking out of the blue

*Raincoat by Crash Kings*

1- SWAN/CULLEN RESIDENCE

_Bella's lips looked hotter than usual as they were wrapped around my johnson, moving up and down the shaft. I was standing up, and didn't fucking care to look around at where I was, and she was on her knees. I grabbed her hot as fuck pigtails and groaned. I moved her head with my hands to try and get her mouth further onto my dick and she started to gag. I groaned but it wasn't a good groan cause that shit was just bad. Even I knew you didn't make a girl gag. Fuck me. I pulled her off of me but she continued to gag, even though nothing was in her mouth. _

Gag, heave "Ed" gag, heave "ward" gag, heave, liquid hitting water. Another heave and more liquid hitting water. _Damn it_. Bella's puking had worked its way into one of the hottest fucking sex dreams I'd had in a long time. I glanced at the clock and the bright blue numbers glowed three thirty am. "Edward" she said my name fast and I heard more liquid hitting the toilet water.

I went into the fucking kitchen with no God damn clothes on and filled a glass with water. I grabbed a wash cloth from the linen closet on the way back to our room, and wet it with cool water once I was in the bathroom. Bella was sitting on the floor with her hot as fuck white legs spread out around the toilet, and my fucking johnson twitched because I had just been dreaming about sex and shit, and she had some fucking hot legs. She was holding her dark hair with her right hand, and her left was holding her steady on the toilet.

"Are you done?" I asked. My voice was grumbley and tired. She nodded so I filled the mouth wash cap and handed it to her. She swished and spit as I reached into the medicine cabinet for the Alka-Seltzer and dropped two tabs into the glass. I handed her the wash cloth while the tabs dissolved.

"Thanks. Sorry I woke you up." Her voice was raspy from the vomit. I shrugged and rubbed my eyes before pressing the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. She wiped her mouth and I handed her the glass, which she drank quickly.

"Are you alright, Snow?" This was the third fucking night in a row that she had woken up at some ungodly hour to vomit, and this was the second time tonight.

"Yeah, I think so. Go to bed. I'm gonna sit here for a few minutes before I move. I feel like ass."

Call me a bad boyfriend if you want, but that shit had been on the rocks for a while; so I went back to bed, like she said. Just as I was starting to get back to sleep, I felt her crawl into bed beside me.

"Thank you." She whispered. I rolled over and bellied up to her. I laid my arm along her hip, careful not to touch her stomach. I'd thrown up enough times to know that that shit would send her right back to the fucking porcelain.

"No problem, Snow." And I fell back to sleep without getting to finish my sex dream.

When I woke up again, it was ten thirty in the morning. Bella hadn't moved at all in her sleep, but I was sprawled all over the bed. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes before tugged my hair and cracking my neck. I heard Bella sigh and she turned over to me.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Like my teeth are wearing furry slippers." She rasped her voice still scratchy from puking.

"That's not what I fuckin meant, Snow."

"I know ass hole. I feel fine, a little weak, but fine."

I grunted and got up to throw some jeans on before I made breakfast. I poured myself a cup of coffee, thankful as hell for the programmable coffee maker, and put some bread in the toaster. I made some grits on the stove and peeled a banana. I put the grits on a plate with salt and a little bit of butter, as well as the toast and banana and set it on the bar before buttering my own toast. Bella came out of the bedroom, dressed for the day in some tight as fuck jeans that clung to her legs like skin, some Doc Marten boots over the jeans that she never fucking laced and it drove me crazy, and a really long Run DMC t shirt. The colors from her full sleeve tattoo on her left arm stuck out in deep contrast with the black and white t shirt.

She sat at the bar and frowned. "Dry toast? What the fuck, EJ?"

I rolled my eyes as she poked at her banana. "You can't have butter, that shit's not good for you stomach when you've been heaving. No dairy."

"Is there at least butter in the grits?" She sounded hopeful.

"A little bit. Look, I don't want you getting sick anymore, so take it easy on that stomach, okay?" Our relationship may have been heading towards the shitter, but I still cared for her and didn't want her sick.

Bella slowly took a bite of the toast and made a face. "Ugh, this is gross. I can't do this." She put the toast down and crossed her arms. Just then, her annoying as fuck twin sister stuck her head out of her bedroom door to look around and giggled before sticking her head back in her room and shutting the door.

Alice and Bella looked nothing alike. They were both short with creamy pale skin, although Bella was a few inches taller, and they were both crazy thin, but that was the extent of it.

Bella had thick, long dark brown hair with coffee brown eyes to match, and Alice had short black spiky hair and grey blue eyes. Bella's features were soft and gentle, and Alice's were sharp and angled. No one ever believed they were twins. Apparently, their parents had trouble having kids and did in-vitro or whatever-the-fuck and they started out as test tube babies, each looking like a different parent.

Bella poked around her plate some more and continued to frown. "Seriously, EJ, this is gross. I want cereal."

"I'm sorry Snow, but it's not gonna happen. Eat your breakfast. You need it. You've been praying to the porcelain Gods for three nights now I wouldn't be surprised if you lost some fucking weight." That made her grimace and she started taking tentative bites of her grits.

I was rinsing off my plate when Alice finally emerged from her bedroom with her fiancé, and my best friend, Jasper in tow. He was wearing low slung, thin cut jeans and a mother fucking vest. That's it. I scowled at him because what the fuck, what grown ass man wears just a vest? Bella turned in her seat and tapped the tip of her nose with her index finger, her "thinking pose".

"You know, on any one else I'd say that's the most retarded outfit ever. Work it, girl." Bella said in her most tranny-esque voice.

Jasper ran a hand through his crazy curly blond hair that stuck in every direction and scratched his ear, where he wore a fucking dangly feather earring. He stretched his arms up over his head, making his already tall scrawny form look even taller and skinny enough to be a crack head. His vest lifted up and you could see the words "Alice In Wonderland" in flourished script tattooed from one hip to the other across his lower abs.

Alice climbed up to the barstool next to Bella and began picking off her plate while Jasper rummaged the fridge for one of his weird ass breakfast concoctions. That kid usually combined some sort of off the wall left overs that made everyone else's stomach turn.

"Uh-uh Wonderland, Snow needs to eat that shit. She threw up _twice_ last night."

Alice looked concerned and placed her hand on her sister's forehead. "You don't have a fever. You okay, doll face?"

"Yeah. I feel fine." Bella shrugged. "I want to eat real food but _Edward_ won't let me."

Alice pursed her lips and slid her eyes in my direction before looking back at Snow. "You know I _hate_ agreeing with that asstard you call a boyfriend, but he's right. You need to get a little something in your belly and it has to be bland, either that or on the B.R.A.T. diet. Do you want an apple?"

Bella pouted and nodded. "Do we have any cold ones?"

"Yep." Jasper tossed her an apple from the fridge and she nibbled it with her little mouse bites that she always took. He started mixing Mexican rice with left over Japanese vegetables.

"I think I should call the doctor for you." Alice said, looking warily at her sister.

Bella reached over and slapped Alice on the back of her head.

"Hey Wonderland, I think that means no." I snickered. Alice threw toast at me.

Alice pointed to me and squinted her eyes, "You, are an ass hole," she turned to Bella, "and _you_ are going to the doctor today."

Bella sighed and rested her forehead onto the bar top. Alice looked over at me and gave me one of those "say something" looks, but I just stared at her. She nodded her head over at Bella's direction and I threw my hands in the air. I didn't always get along with the little runt, but I could take her cues pretty easily.

"Hey Snow. I'll go with you if you want, you don't mind, right Jasper?"

Jasper shook his head before wiping his mouth. "Nope, go ahead dude; it's Sunday, I can call Rosalie in if I have too."

Bella stiffened at the mention of Rosalie. Rosalie was the newest artist at Jasper's tattoo studio and Bella was not a fan. Jasper hired her in a pinch after that fumunda cheese lickin douche, James, up and left without so much as a two day notice, much less two week. Rosalie came highly recommended by Emmett, who happened to be my brother and her boyfriend.

"No… I don't want anyone to go with me." Alice shot her a look. "Okay, except you. Jesus. Pushy much?"

Jasper pushed himself off the counter where he had been leaning and rinsed his plate. "Okay man, time for work." He said as he walked past me to hug Alice.

I walked over to Bella and put my arms around her. I whispered into her ear "Call me if you need anything," before I kissed her cheek.

"Okay. I love you." She whispered back. We didn't like going around screaming about our love for each other, even before it started dwindling into more of a friendly love, rather than intimate. I told her I loved her back and left for work.

I had been sitting at my station drawing when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"EJ, its Alice." She whispered into the phone.

"Why are you calling me, Wonderland? And why are you whispering?"

"Because Bella didn't want me to call you, and she wouldn't herself. Look, we think her issue is a lady issue, so she called your dad and he's called an OBG…"

I cut her off. I didn't want to hear about fucking cave doctors. "Alright, fine. Just… you know… call me or something. Is she okay?"

She hesitated. "Um… I don't really know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Don't you have some stupid twin super power that links your asses together or something? Can't you just somehow know what she's feeling?"

Wonderland laughed and snorted "You're an idiot." She said before laughing some more. "Look, I don't know how she's feeling cause she won't tell me. But if I think something really… bad… is up, I'll let you know, okay? Ultimately, she'll be fine." _click. _The line went dead.

I closed my eyes and sighed before I tugged at my hair and cracked my thumbs. I walked out to the lobby area and slumped down onto one of the black leather couches. Jasper was laying face down on a mat on the floor with his arms and feet in the air doing some weird shit that I will never, and I mean _never_ understand.

"You're too stressed out. You should do yoga." He grunted.

"You look like a fucking pretzel."

"But I'm relaxed."

I snorted. "All it takes is a six pack and I relax just fine."

Jasper twisted himself into some other contortionist pose. "You're worried about Snow White, huh?"

I stared at him blankly. "Um… yeah. Dude she's been throwing up every night for three days, and then she's _fine_ the next day. That's not normal."

"She'll be fine." He said with a gust of air.

"How do you know?" I snapped.

"Did Alice say she'd be fine?"

"Yes."

"Then she will be." I think he tried to nod but his neck was turned at an unnatural angle, so I couldn't tell.

I walked down the street a little ways to the diner that my brother owned and sat at the counter. Psycho-Billy music was playing throughout the entire restaurant. Emmett pulled a beer from the cooler and a piece of apple pie from the dessert display and handed them too me. My brother's style never ceased to fascinate me. Some time in our teen years he went all James Dean on all of us and started wearing tight jeans that were cuffed at the bottom over his motorcycle boots and tight white t shirts with the sleeves rolled.

"You look all fucked up little bro."

I snorted and shoved a hearty fork full of pie into my mouth and washed it down with the beer. "Snow's been keeping me up at night. She keeps getting sick."

"Is she okay?"

"She's going to the doctor with her sister today. She's fine all day long, and then she lays down to go to bed and a few hours later she's up puking her fucking intestines out."

"How's her appetite?" He leaned down on his elbows and seemed just a bit too curious. I wish I could say it pissed me off, but the truth was that Bella had become a big part of my family. It was really going to tear them up when we were finally truthful with each other and things ended.

I didn't love her any less than I did five years before when she came into the shop to get her hot little nipples pierced, lookin like a naughty Snow White. But over the course of the past year, things had gotten… difficult. We fought a lot, and seemed to start to resent each other. I wondered if it stemmed from this being the first _real_ relationship either of us had been in. We'd both dated and slept around and when I saw her, I didn't ever want any other fucking dude's hands on her. She was _mine._

She hadn't been sick like this in the time we'd been together. She'd had plenty of trips and shit like that, but never actually been sick. Being worried about her had me wondering if I really could be without her at all. I snorted to myself and then shook my head at Emmett when he raised his eye brows. I just had to figure out how to convince my fucking stubborn as piss Snow White that maybe we should try harder.

"Um… her appetite is fine. Nothing's changed there at all."

"Huh… sounds almost like when I knocked Kate up." My eyes got bigger than my pie plate as I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. "Hey, you guys are a lot smarter than I was. We were only using the pull out method, and you know what Dad calls people who use that method."

I nodded "Parents."

"That's right. But she's on the pill and shit, right?" Emmett ran his hands on either side of his neck where is daughter's hand prints from birth were tattooed.

"Yeah."

"Then it's probably just some stomach shit." There was a loud crash coming from the kitchen and Emmett swore under his breath. "I'm gonna go take care of the douche bag that Rosalie made me fucking hire."

"Um… isn't that douche bag her half brother?"

"Yeah, so what? He's still a fucking douche."

I decided _not_ to tell him that Alice and Bella were going to the fucking cave doctor. It had to be related to… periods… or… uteruses or some trash like that. I shivered and Emmett bellowed "Newton! You're an idiot!" as he walked to the kitchen.

I walked back to the shop to meet with my client. I was grateful for the appointment because I'd have the dude in my chair for at least two hours and I was sure that would be plenty of time for Alice and Bella to be done with the doctor.

Sure enough, just as I was cleaning the work I had just done before covering it with the plastic wrap, my cell rang.

**Review, review, review my lovelies! Pretty please? With Edward on top? That's what I thought... **


	2. News like this

**Lovely Readers! So I know that the last one was sort of a cliff hanger, but I kinda had to do it that way. I hope you're happy with how fast I'm getting the first few chaps out, but I can't say it'll continue that way. I've got my other story that I need to work through my block on plus these chaps are already written.... sssoooo.... yeah.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do own a cat that thinks it's hilarious to get my hair ties from my nightstand and play with them in the kitchen until they slide under the stove. Cause _that's_ not annoying or anything. **

**Reviews are better than when my kid sleeps in... okay not really, but super fuckin close!**

2 – NEWS LIKE THIS….

"Liam, dude can you hang on for like… one second? This is important."

"Sure man."

I saw Bella's name on my screen and answered.

"Hey Babe, you okay?"

"Uh… this is Alice."

"Oh… okay well, what's up?"

"We're outside, and you should come out to the car… PRONTO."

I hung up the phone and ran out of the studio yelling for Jasper to please finish Liam's dressing. I ran around to the back of the building where the employee parking was for the strip of shops and restaurants. As soon as Alice saw me, she put Bella in the back seat and kissed her head. She said something to her and Bella nodded. I stopped when I was about seven feet from the car. Bella looked… pale. More pale than she was naturally. She looked sort of gray too, with hints of green around her mouth.

My heart dropped into my stomach thinking that the fucking doctor told her she had some sort of cancer or some shit. Something I knew I couldn't handle. I wanted to punch myself in the fucking gut for not insisting I go with her. Or better yet, have my beast of a brother do it. Or maybe I could get Alice to run me over. Yeah… that would work.

Alice walked over to me. "Okay, so go get in the back seat with her." I must've looked terrified because she put her freakish tiny hand on my arm and looked up at me "I told you she'd be okay and she will be. She's just afraid. Of you." _Whaaaat?!_

I'd never, ever, given Bella a reason to be afraid of me. She'd seen me in fights and shit, but I'd never done anything but lay a kind hand on her, and now she was afraid of me? I didn't think things were _that_ shitty between us.

Alice got a strange look on her face and told me "More so afraid of your reaction." She patted my arm and pushed against my back to get me to go forward.

I walked slowly and got into the cramped as fuck back seat of Bella's piece of shit Honda Civic. She didn't say anything at first, just kept wringing her hands and looking all shifty eyed.

"So are you going to tell me why you look like you just vomited?"

"Because I did. A lot." She said in a small voice.

"Listen Bella, you're scaring the fuck out of me, so you should probably just tell me, and fast."

Bella looked up at me with angry eyes and her face started to heat up. "Just tell you, huh? You're scared?! Oh well let me just make it all better for you then!" She threw her hands up and knocked her knuckles against the window. "Ow! Damnit. Here."

She thrust a plasticy feeling thin piece of paper at me. I looked at the black and white grainy photo on the paper and was confused for a moment. Then I saw her name at the top underneath the doctor's name and the women's facility she had gone to. In the middle of an oval was what looked like a sea monkey and next to it in small letters it said "Hi Daddy".

I stared at the little square for what seemed like forever while Bella sobbed next to me. My first instinct was to slap myself to see if I was dreaming. Then I wanted to run. Then I wanted to throw up. I wanted to ask her how far along she was, but my mouth wouldn't fucking work and I was getting really fucking frustrated.

She must've sensed my frustration because she took an unsteady breath, sniffed, and said "I'm ten weeks. So two and a half months. Due on your birthday." So on June twentieth, my thirtieth birthday, I'd be a daddy. _Happy God damn Birthday!_

She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her hoodie. "I'm keeping it. And I'm going to go home and get a few things together to go stay with Angela for a little while, until you can get your stuff out."

I was instantly filled with rage. So she assumed I'd make her abort or put it up for adoption, _and_ she was breaking up with me? Not fucking likely.

"What the fuck, Bella! You better be keeping it! It's my fucking kid too! And why am I being kicked out, huh?"

Bella looked at me astonished. "Wha…"

"You're not getting rid of my kid Bella, and you're not getting rid of me either. We've got shit to work on." I said sternly as I crossed my arms.

Bella snorted. "_We?_ How 'bout we work on _your_ communication issues first, _then_ we work on whatever else issues we might have."

I started sputtering because I was pissed but I was trying to stay calm. I got out of the back seat and walked in a circle around the car. I opened Bella's door. "I'm going to fucking work on it, okay?" I yelled. "Why does it always fucking come to me? Am I that shitty? I am the shittiest fucking boyfriend ever? Cause that's what it seems like! It's always me!" I slammed the door shut and walked around the car again. I sat on the hood to try and get my bearings. It didn't take long for Bella to come around and stand in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest, lookin ten shades of pissed. "What Bella?!" I threw my hands in the air.

She sort of growled, which she hadn't done in a while and that shit sort of scared me. I knew it wouldn't be long before she hit me, and then she started screaming. "YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHAT! I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU I'M HAVING YOUR SPAWN AND I WANT TO FIX SHIT AND YOU GO ALL FUCKWAD ON ME!? UGH!" She started stomping in a circle and on her second circle she stopped right in front of me and punched me in the jaw.

I can't lie, it hurt, but I think she hurt her hand worse. She started jumping up and down on one foot and tucked her hand into her chest squealing like a fucked up squirrel. I tried to get her to stop jumping but nothing was working so I wrapped my arms around her and physically held her still, careful not to press her stomach too hard to me. I knew it was ridiculous to be so careful of it already, the girl didn't even look close to pregnant, but I couldn't help myself.

Bella stopped jumping around, but she was still moving. It took me a second to realize that the movement was her sobbing. "What the fuck are you crying for Bella?" This girl hardly ever cried and here she'd done it twice in the span of ten minutes.

"I just _am_!" she spat at me.

"What the hell!" I grumbled.

"I'm a fucking pregnant woman who's in a relationship where she doesn't feel loved _in the slightest._ What the pisser do you expect, Edward?" _She doesn't feel loved?_ I guess I should have expected that. I didn't feel it either. I knew I did love her, very much, but our relationship had just turned so shitty. "Plus, I just turned twenty-seven. I feel _old_."

"Bella, you didn't _just_ turn twenty seven. You turned twenty seven two months ago."

"Yeah but all the stupid girls in the fucking doctors office waiting room were all young and pretty and glowing and shit. I just look… green."

I grabbed Bella's face in my hands. "Snow White, you're always beautiful. You're the most gorgeous fucking girl in the world." She sniffled and smiled. "I'm gonna really try okay? But you have to try too." She nodded.

"I'll try. We need to love each other better." I grinned and nodded. "You know that I still love you as much as the day we met, right?" That I hadn't known. I figured what I had felt went two ways, but now that she was carrying my _spawn_, as she called it, I loved her more than I ever thought I could. The problem was, I was an emotionally retarded jack ass, and that didn't bode well in relationships. I was amazed Bella had stuck around as long as she had.

"So…" I started.

"So we need to get our shit together. We can't bring a baby into the world as fucked up as we are." I nodded in agreement. "Um… Al knows, obviously."

"Do you think she'll tell Jasper?"

"I asked her not too. I told her we should be the ones to tell people, but before we tell too many people I think we should be prepared for the questions we will undoubtedly get on Thursday."

Ah yes. Thanksgiving. Typically, this is my favorite holiday, but I had a feeling this year it was going to be so strange.

I was pondering how I would tell my parents when Bella sneezed. She grimaced and bent forward at the waist. "Ungh."

"Snow, are you okay?" I was horrified. She seemed so… breakable now.

"Yeah. It's these weird pains. I've been getting them for a week now, but I thought they were some sort of cramp and that my period was coming." I cringed. I didn't want to hear about fucking periods. "But the doctor told me today that they're round ligament pains. See there's these three ligaments, and they hold your uterus…"

I clenched my eyes shut and cut her off. "Okay, I get it. No more." I opened them and she was looking at me angrily.

"You know, you're gonna have to get over this fear of girl shit. I expect you in the delivery room." That thought hadn't crossed my mind yet, and I got images of her Betty being stretched in unnatural ways. My stomach turned.

"Don't look at me that way EJ, you'll be in there, so help me God you will!" I just nodded. "Are we done with our fight? We should go tell Jasper and then I want to go get pie. And _then_ we're getting you one of those daddy preparation books, 'cause you _obviously_ need it." She grabbed my hand to make our way into the studio, but I wanted to kiss her first. So I did.

I wrapped my arms around her tiny, soon to be huge, waist and kissed her hard. I had to show her just how much I wanted us to work, just how much I was willing to put forth. At first she was caught off guard, but it wasn't long before I felt her hands reach up and twist into my hair. I smiled a little; it had been so long since she'd done that. She hitched her leg up over my thigh and my johnson took notice. I heard her chuckle, but she didn't separate the kiss. I pushed my tongue to her lips and she opened up for me. Her tongue was smooth and she tasted like mint and cinnamon rolls and every ounce of _her_ and I wanted to take her right there. I reached my hands down and grabbed her ass. She groaned and bit my lip. I grunted and my dick twitched. She pulled her lips away and put her forehead to my chest and sighed.

"You haven't kissed me like that in so long." She whispered.

"I'm sorry. I'll do it every day from now on." I promised. And I would. She kissed my chest and grabbed my hand, but I wasn't satisfied.

I put my arm around her shoulders and she wrapped both arms around my waist. It was sort of awkward, but back when things were good it was her favorite way to walk. When we got into the studio, Alice looked at us and got this weird gooey look in her eyes. I looked down to Bella and she just smiled at me before squeezing me and then running to her hyper as fuck sister.

"Alice, I want pie. Let's go." Alice rolled her eyes and pulled Bella's arm through hers. On the way out the door, Bella kissed my bicep, because that's all she could reach without help from me, and told me they were going to Emmett's.

"Oh… uh… shit." I rubbed the back of my neck and cracked my thumbs.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him. He's your fucking brother." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh… okay." I kissed the top of her head. "I love you. Hey will you bring me a burger and a vanilla shake?" She nodded, told me she loved me back and took off with Alice.

Jasper was laying down on one of the tattoo tables and reading the fucking Kama Sutra. That kid was _weird._

I leaned on the counter and put some of my weight on my forearms. "So I knocked up Snow White."

Jasper turned his book upside down, cocked an eye brow and said "Oh yeah? Right on." He cocked his head side ways a bit before huffing and putting his book down. He jumped up off the table like some sort of kung fu movie and walked lazily to one of the couches. "You should start working on your baby tattoo." He nodded and scratched the hair on his chin.

"Really… that's what you have to say about this?"

"Well what do you want me to say? Babies are awesome dude. I'd impregnate Alice yesterday if she'd let me."

"Do you think I should marry her before we tell family or whatever?"

"Do you _want_ to marry her?" I hadn't thought about it recently, but when we started our relationship, she didn't want it and I didn't care.

When I asked Bella about it, she had told me that she didn't understand what the law had to do with how two people felt about each other. Neither of us wanted kids, so we just didn't see the point. I thought for sure she'd change her mind since she was only twenty-two when she told me this, but as time wore on, her feelings about it never changed. I'd asked her a few more times if she was positive, and she always told me yes. Then we'd have sex like rock stars because apparently the idea of not being pressured into marriage turned her on.

"Not really. I mean… I wouldn't be opposed to being tied to her for life, I just don't see what the big deal about marriage is. Last I checked she wanted nothing to fucking do with it."

"So then don't man. If neither of you like marriage, _don't get married._ This is not rocket science. Just make sure to update your wills or whatever when the kid gets here." He nodded to prove his point and before I could ask The Wise Weirdo another question the cougar of all cougars walked in the shop.

This woman made me want to laugh my ass all over town. She was rail thin, except for her fucking tits that were the size of Texas and up by her God damn eyes; she was overly tanned and kind of orange looking and had bleached blond long, stringy hair. She was wearing the tightest jeans I'd ever seen on a person, with a skin tight, hot pink long sleeved shirt that showed about an inch or two of the wrinkled skin on her torso and a v neck that practically hit her belly button. The kicker was the platform sandals.

"Well hello _there._" She said in what I think was an attempt at a seductive purr.

"I've got to go draw EJ, let me know if you need any help." Jasper called out as he walked back to the office. _Mother fucker!_ I guess technically, _I_ was the mother fucker now.

A few seconds later a little dark haired girl of about sixteen walked in and rolled her eyes while making a hand motion at the ridiculous woman in front of me. I assumed this was either the woman's daughter or grand daughter.

"How can I help you today?" I asked, trying to sound polite but detached at the same time. The last thing I wanted was this cougar to pounce.

She sauntered over to the counter and I leaned back a bit, resting on my hands rather than my forearms.

"Well see, I've got this really _adorable_ butterfly on my lower back," _dear God this fifty year old hooker had a tramp stamp? _I gagged a little bit, but hid it well. "and I was wondering if maybe you could draw an equally adorable one with my boyfriend's name somehow incorporated into it. I want it on my inner thigh." She leaned into me, way to close for fucking comfort just as Rosalie walked in the door and whispered, "You know, really close to my pussy."

I jerked upright and stared in disbelief. Rosalie must've heard the nightmare that was unfolding because she came to my fucking rescue and I still owe her for that shit.

"Sounds like you want an awfully personal tattoo there. Why don't you let me handle that? I'm not sure this guy's" she pointed at me with her thumb, "lady would appreciate him all up in your twat." She put her hands on her hips and the lady gave her the up and down that all snotty women did.

Rosalie could quite easily be described as a knock out. Long blond wavy hair, sky blue eyes, and just the hint of a tan. Five foot eleven, one hundred and twenty pounds, big ass _real_ tits, a tiny waist, and one of those perfect apple asses. Her legs seemed to go on for days and even in the cold as fuck Seattle winter she came into work wearing little plaid skirts sometimes. As hot as she was, she didn't hold a candle to my own personal Snow White.

Today though, she was wearing those same type of jeans Bella loved, the kind that hugged your legs all the way down, with a black halter top that showed hear heavily tattooed arms and black shiny high heeled shoes that looked like some cut the tip of them out to show her bright red toe nails.

The cougar just gawked at her, obviously surveying her as competition. "Dj'you hear me, woman?" Rosalie asked, cocking her hip to the side. The dark headed girl that had come in with the woman was practically rolling with laughs on one of the couches.

"Yeah, I heard you. Where's your book? I don't want just _anyone_ marking me and this handsome fella seems to know exactly what he's doing." She placed her hand on my arm and traced the waves that connected all the scenes with her hot pink long fake nail. "Did you do this?" She asked as she tried to push her cleavage up and out.

Rosalie snorted as I jerked my arm away; I heard the back door open but figured it was Jasper going out back. "Look here, Lil Miss Hot Pants, if you can't respect our artist's personal space, then you can get the fuck out of dodge, cause we sure as hell aint itchin for _your_ hard earned stripper cash."

The girl on the couch was howling with laughter as the cougar stomped out in a huff. "OhmyGaaaad! That's the funniest shit _ever!_" She threw a twenty dollar bill onto the counter, "Round of beers, on me." And walked out the door.

I turned around to walk towards the bathroom, feeling like I needed to wash my arm, and came face to face with Bella. And she looked _pissed. _

I put my hands up, palms out and stuttered "I swear to God, Bella I didn't…" She ran past me before I could finish and jumped onto Rosalie, hugging her tightly.

"Holy shit!" she kissed Rosalie on the cheek, "YOU are my new favorite person!"

Rose laughed and hugged Bella back before putting her on the ground. "Glad I could help sugar tits. So we're cool now?"

"After that? We're better than cool." Rosalie walked away shaking her head and laughing, Alice slapped her on the ass on her way into the office, probably to fuck Jasper on the desk.

"Ow! Ow!" Rose yelled like a porn star and wiggled her hips as she walked towards her tattoo station.

Bella wrapped her arms around my waist. "Hey stud. I put your burger and milk shake on your table."

I kissed her head. "Thanks Snow. So I told Jasper." I grabbed her hand and we walked to my station. She sat up on the tattoo table eating her pie and I sat at my chair to eat my burger.

"How'd that go?" She asked before shoving another bite into her mouth. She reached her hand towards my milk shake and opened and closed her fingers, "Gimme."

I handed her the cup. "Um… it went well. He seems… excited."

She smiled and patted her flat stomach. "See, people are excited to meet you." She said quietly. I shook my head and laughed. "What?" she asked all pouty like.

"Nothing. That was fuckin cute is all."

Rose walked over and sat on the table by Bella. "Mmm. Is that from Emmett's?" Bella nodded. "Bite please!" Bella looked at her like she was insane, but obviously Rose had no idea that Bella was sporting raging hormones and would kick a fly's ass for landing on her.

Rose rolled her eyes. "What now?"

I looked at Bella for confirmation and she nodded. "Um Rose, you really _shouldn't_ take a pregnant chick's food. Especially _that_ pregnant chick, she's mean enough without all the hormones and shit."

"Hot damn! You're knocked up?!"

Bella nodded sheepishly.

"Aww! Snow White's having a little dwarf!" Rosalie clapped. "I still want a bite of that pie though."

Bella snorted and cut off a tiny bite with her fork before handing it to Rose. "Why don't you just call Emmett and have your brother deliver a whole pie here? I'd really like that."

"Ugh, Bella… he's not my brother."

"Okay, just because the sperm came from different guys doesn't mean he's not your brother. You still came from the same vagina, and that my big blond friend, makes him your brother."

Rosalie scoffed and hopped off the table to greet the customer that had just walked in.

**Look down... just a touch further... rriiiiight there! Yes, that grey and green button. Yep click it and then write stuff. Because you luuuurve me (I hope).**


	3. Details

**Lovely Readers! I'm gonna warn you now, I think I got too descriptive with days... Don't ask me why. I get sort of paranoid sometimes that people won't know what I'm talking about and then get overly descriptive. I'm also trying to describe clothing and how people look through Edward's eyes without making him sound like a girl, or gay, which ever. I hope I've suceeded with this. **

**The next chap we will FINALLY venture into Bella's brain. **

**Twilight's not mine. I only wish it was so I could photograph Rob Pattinson and then do dirty things to him. **

3- DETAILS

"So what you're saying is, this is just some random fluke?" I scratched my head, not entirely sure how to comprehend that birth control could just _decide not to work._

"Pretty much." Bella said while she sat on the kitchen island and ate ice cream from the tub. It was Monday, the shop's short day, at six in the evening and she had just gotten back from the yoga class she and Jasper took. She was wearing these black stretchy legging things and weird little shoes that look more like ballet slippers and a sports bra. It was also the first time we'd really been able to sit and discuss this baby crap because I'd had clients booked all day today and Bella didn't want to talk about it yesterday.

I was cleaning out the fridge to get ready for our trip to Forks for the rest of the week. I wasn't exactly thrilled. We'd arranged for both families to eat at my parent's house so that we could make our announcement all at once. I was more aiming for preventing Charlie, Bella's dad, from having access to a gun. He was never really thrilled with me, and I was sure that finding out I knocked up his daughter was going to send him over the edge. Being the police chief, I had no doubts that he could turn it into justifiable homicide. I'd convinced Bella to let me get us a hotel room this trip, I _really_ didn't want to end up buried in the woods behind her childhood house.

In the past years, we'd only stayed the Wednesday before Thanksgiving through the Saturday after, but this year Bella wanted to stay from Tuesday to Sunday.

Alice came bounding into the kitchen. "Hey Mommy, what flavor is that?" Alice climbed up onto the island with Bella and peeked into the tub.

"Mint chocolate chip." Bella scooped out a spoonful and fed it to Alice.

"So what are we talking about?"

"I was just going over the appointment today for EJ." Bella scooped out more ice cream and shoved it into her mouth. If she kept going, she was going to end up the size of a fucking house. Although, the pregnancy explained her desire for all things sweet for the past two weeks.

"Did you show him the album?"

Bella looked down and blushed a little. "Um no." She poked her spoon in her ice cream but didn't do anything productive with it.

"Ugh, Bella." Alice shook her head and jumped off the island. She went into our bedroom.

Bella sighed and kept looking down into the tub of ice cream. I was more than a little fucking bothered at the fact that she seemed to shut down and wouldn't look at me. Alice came out of our room and handed me a small four by six pale green album that had yellow ducks all over it.

"Green and yellow since we don't know the gender." Alice said as she climbed back up onto the island. Bella handed her the ice cream and hopped down. She walked into the bed room, leaving me in the kitchen with Alice and a very baby looking small photo album.

"Just look through the album first." Alice said. "We should leave her alone for a few minutes." I nodded.

I opened the little book and slipped into the little plastic picture holder was another picture like the one she had given me. Sea Monkey was turned to its side and looked a little more like a small animal. I flipped to the next one, and there were little arrows pointing out the heart and head. In the next one, the arrows were pointing to the start of arms and legs. The last one, my favorite one after the one that said "Hi Daddy", Sea Monkey looked like he or she was sucking their thumb. I smiled, knowing that Bella did that as a baby.

I walked into the bed room with the album in my hand. Bella was lying on her back with her left arm behind her head and her right hand was tracing designs on her completely flat belly.

I crawled onto the bed and lay down next to her. "Why didn't you show me earlier Snow?"

She shrugged. "I didn't think you'd want to see it."

"Of course I want to see it. You're smarter than that. It's my kid too." I rubbed her cheek with my nose.

She sat up and scooted away from me. "_Neither_ of us wanted kids."

"Yeah well, we've got one comin, Bella. So we're both gonna have to warm up to the fucking idea pretty damn soon, huh?"

"Is it an idea you can definitely get used to?" She asked her question like a challenge.

"Of course Bella! Jesus Christ what the fuck?!"

"Don't fucking yell at me! I'm just making sure you know what you're in for. Up until we found out today you seemed pretty set on the thought that we weren't going to work out." She crossed her arms and huffed.

"Raaagh! I fucking _told_ you Bella! I'm going to work on it! I want to try! Not just for the kid, but maybe the kid will… I don't fucking know, make us better!"

"Why did you ask Jasper if he thought we should get married?" Her voice was stern and strong.

"Is _that_ what this is about?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well, isn't that what people _do?_ They try to make the pregnancy better by getting married or something?"

"Well, I don't think there's anything wrong to make better. I'm perfectly happy with how things are." She clenched he teeth and didn't even move her lips when she spoke her next sentence, and that scared the living hell out of me. "I don't want to tell you again that I don't want to get married."

"Do you _ever_ want to split up?" I hedged.

"No, of course not. What the fuck kind of question is that, you ass hole."

"Well then what's the issue with marriage? I'm not proposing, so slow your roll, but I just don't understand why if you want to be with me for ever what the big deal is."

"I've told you. The law has no bearings on my feelings."

"I bet it's more than that."

"Ugh! Fine! You ready to hear it, ass-fuck?" I nodded, "Good 'cause here it goes, people get divorced all the time in this fucking country. It's like a trend. My parents split like right after me and Alice were born, and _no one_ can tell me why! I don't want to have to explain my divorce to random people, much less my own kid."

"Uh-huh. So divorce is just immanent to you, then?" She pursed her lips and nodded. "Well I've got news for your pretty ass; it doesn't always go that way. I won't keep bothering you, but if you decide one day that you want to get married, I'll be there. Just tell me when and where." I kissed her head as I got up off the bed and she pulled me back down.

"So you'd wait around, even if that never happens?" She still sounded angry, but her eyes told me she wasn't.

"Bella, I don't really care one way or another. I was only asking Jasper his opinion because I thought being married might be easier on the kid, ultimately it's just you and me and our Sea Monkey and that's all that I really care about." I poked her belly and she smiled.

. I lay back on the bed again, but this time I pulled her by her waist and straddled her over me. "Do you promise?"

"Yes."

"Okay then." She giggled and leaned down to kiss me.

The feel of Bella's tight stomach touching mine and her thighs on either side of my legs did nice things in the region of my dick. He started to twitch and she deepened the kiss. She nipped at my bottom lip and I grinned before opening my mouth and touching her tongue to my own. I grabbed the back of her head to secure her to me and rolled us over. I ran my hand from the back of her knee slowly up to the side of her ribs. Our tongues continued to mix and mingle, but then everything went really fucking wrong.

She pulled her face back and pressed her hands against my chest. "Oh God." She choked out. She pushed hard against me and kicked her legs, nailing me right in the fucking goods. I toppled sideways and she took off into the bathroom.

I heard her throwing up, but I couldn't get up to help her. I was curled into the fetal position and my whole body felt like it'd been drained of all my blood. I also felt like I was going to throw up a week's worth of meals.

Bella tried to apologize from the bathroom, but her heaves kept getting in the way. After what felt like ten fucking years I let out a strangled cry. Alice came running into the room.

"Oh wow… EJ, you okay?" She asked. I heard liquid and chunks hitting water from the bathroom and pointed in its direction, hoping Alice would get the hint. It's not like anyone could do anything for me until my dick and balls stopped throbbing anyways. "'Kay." Alice said before skipping into the bathroom

I heard Alice run some water and Bella dry heaved a few times before spewing again. Alice came out of the bathroom looking sort of green and glassy eyed before apologizing to Bella and me and running out of our room as fast as possible.

Seconds later, Jasper came in. "Dude… you get kicked in the junk?"

"Yes." I garbled out. "Go take care of Bella."

Jasper went into the bathroom and let out a low long whistle before taking care of her. Twenty minutes later, I was sitting on the couch with an ice pack on my crotch and Bella was next to me eating more fucking ice cream. Bella's phone rang and she went to answer it.

"Hello?" she paused. "Oh hey, what's up?" She paused for a longer time. "Um… well let me ask Alice and EJ and I'll call you back later." There was another pause. "Okay." She hung up the phone.

"Emmett wants to know if him and Rose stay the night here. Apparently, their apartment got some nasty flea infestation or something because their neighbors are fucking nasty and don't take care of their pets."

Alice and I both agreed that we didn't care, and Alice went to set up the futon for them in the guest room slash office. A few hours later, Emmett and Rosalie showed up. Bella was lying on the living room floor on her back with her hands behind her head watching some bull shit competition show about clothes designers when they walked in.

Alice took Rosalie to the guest room with the bags and Emmett stood there lookin all shifty eyed as fuck. He looked at me, then Bella, then back to me and back to her. He got this angry look on his face and crossed his arms.

"What?" I asked, irritated that my stupid as fuck brother was looking at me like I'd done something wrong.

Emmett pointed at Bella and she looked at him like he was crazy. His eyes got huge before he looked at me a hollered "You knocked her up didn't you!"

Bella jumped up and stormed to the guest room where I heard her scream "YOU TOLD EMMETT!?" then she growled. A growling Bella usually meant a hitting Bella and while I was ninety percent sure she wouldn't hit Rosalie after their little bonding session earlier in the day, I couldn't be positive so I hauled ass into the room.

I stopped as soon as I got into the room. Bella was face up on the futon and Alice was straddling her waist. She had Bella's hands pinned up over her head and their faces were inches from each other.

"Stop it Bella, you know Em has some sort of weird ass psychic vibe or something. He always knows when something's up."

Bella grunted.

Alice pushed Bella's hands harder onto the mattress. "If I get up, do you promise to not hit Rose?"

"Maybe." She grumbled.

I walked over to Alice and shimmied my way between them. Then I grabbed Bella by the waist and threw her over my shoulder to haul her out of the room. I took her through our bed room, into our bathroom, shoved her into the shower and turned the water on. After five years of dealing with her brand of crazy, I knew exactly how to calm her down.

She stood under the spray for a few minutes before stripping her clothes. I stripped mine and got in with her.

"Feel better?" I asked.

Bella sighed. "Yeah, and now I'm horny."

I laughed. "Awesome." And then pinned her against the shower wall and kissed her.

I kissed her like I did in the parking lot. I grabbed her tiny face between my hands and kissed her hard. I licked her bottom lip and she opened her mouth with a gasp. Our tongues met in the middle and flicked each other before molding together. She got up on her tip toes, but that didn't really do shit because of our height difference.

I'd never had any issues with being six foot four. I liked it, people didn't mess with me, and I'd be lying if I said the attention the lady folk gave me wasn't awesome. But when your girl friend is only five foot two, shower sex could get awkward.

I picked her up by the waist put my hands under her perfect ass to hold her up. She wrapped her legs around my hips and I could feel the heat from her betty against my dick. I groaned into her mouth and she whimpered before wrapping her legs tighter. I kept her back pressed to the wall and kissed down her cheek, jaw, and shoulder before I got to her tits. I kissed around her nipple before biting down gently.

"Ungh… fuck yes." She groaned. My johnson twitched because that's what it does, aside from makin' babies, apparently.

I shifted my arm under her to support her better with it, and dragged my right hand around her hip to her betty. I teased at her clit a little, making her legs twitch, before plunging my first two fingers into her. I curled my fingers back and forth inside of her while my thumb rubbed her pipote.

"Come on Snow White. Sing to me." I groaned.

It wasn't much longer before her thigh muscles clenched on my hips and her betty clamped tight on my fingers. She kissed me faster and I lifted her waist to adjust my dick. I lowered her onto me and she gasped.

It had been a while since we'd had interesting sex, and a few months of plain sex in bed with either one on the top makes you sort of forget how good it can be. The angle was perfect and with each pass plunge of my dick her gasps reached a higher pitch until finally she full on growled and bit my shoulder.

The smooth and wet feeling of being inside her was incredible and I tried to hold off as long as I could, but when my girl bites me, it turns me the fuck on. I rammed my johnson into her a few more times and on the last thrust I kept pushing harder into her. I buried as much of myself as I could into her betty and grunted with the strain. I unloaded into her in quick spurts while groaning her name and soon she sighed in content.

I felt myself throb as my wood went down and she kissed my shoulder where she bit.

"I gave you a blood blister this time." She said quietly.

"At least you didn't break the skin." It had happened a few times, each time it freaked her out a little bit, but it didn't bother me. The biting was hot as fuck and I didn't really care what happened as a result of it.

"I'm sorry." She kissed my shoulder again before I slid out of her and set her down.

"Eh, no big. You've done worse." I grabbed my bar of soap and started rubbing it over my body.

Bella grabbed her shower puffy thing and squirted her body wash onto it. We started washing ourselves and Bella sighed.

"What's wrong Snow?" I stopped soaping to look at her.

"Remember when you used to wash my hair?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to do it now?" I asked. She bit her lip all shy like and nodded.

I grabbed her over priced shampoo that she insisted she had to have and squirted some into my hands. Bella backed up to me and her perfect ass touched my thighs. I started rubbing my hands through her hair and massaged her scalp. She sighed.

"I missed you." She whispered.

"What do you mean? I haven't gone anywhere." I whispered back.

"You sort of did. We both did."

I turned her to rinse her hair and sneak a peek into her eyes, but they were closed. I grabbed her conditioner as she turned around again and rubbed it between my hands before I slowly ran my hands through her hair.

"Well then, let's come back."

"Okay. I promise to be… better." She nodded her head before turning back to me to rinse. This time her eyes were open and they looked like she really believed it this time. Even though over the course of the day I had been promising to try, she just couldn't seem to get it through to her brain.

Finally though, she seemed to understand. "I'll be better too. I promise Snow White. Things will not go back to being like they have been for the last year." She nodded and smiled before wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I hugged her back.

Once we were done with our shower, she put on some pajamas and I put on some gym shorts. We went into the kitchen where Alice and Rosalie were cooking.

"Oh God." Bella said while she covered her nose and mouth with her hand. "What is that _smell?!_"

"Is it the garlic in the potatoes?" Rose asked. "I can make you something else instead."

"No, that's not it. Ugh it smells like… oh God." Bella ran to the sink and threw up. I ran over to her and held her hair out of her face.

As soon as she stopped heaving I said "Snow, you gotta tell me what smells so bad so I can get it out of here."

"Meat." Was all she could croak out before she started heaving again.

"What are you cooking?" I yelled to Alice.

"Steaks, they're on broil in the oven. She loves steak!"

"Not today she doesn't." I grumbled as Bella heaved again. I thought that steak smelled damn good.

Rosalie pulled an oven mitt on her hand and grabbed the broiler pan before running out the back door. Emmett ran after her yelling that it's not right to throw perfectly good steaks away just because someone hurled at the smell.

My brother was a giant idiot, literally. He was my height, but easily a hundred pounds heavier than my two hundred, and he had zero filter from his brain to his mouth. Rose was about to toss the steaks into the garbage can but Emmett grabbed one with his bare hand. Not even a second later he made a face and dropped it to the dirt, cradling his hand and jumping up and down. _Serves him right, ass pirate._

**R.E.V.I.E.W!!!! Please?**


	4. Road trip and recap

**LOVELY READERS! This chap is from Bella's POV. I tried really hard not to make it all repetative and annoying. I hope I succeeded. Next chap is Thanksgiving, I hope you enjoy! **

**OH AND GUESS WHAT! I finally jumped my ass on the bandwagon and there are links to the clothes everyone is wearin on my profile!!!! **

**I didn't write Twilight. I did write the stuff you're about to read tho... incase you were wondering. **

4 – ROAD TRIP AND RECAP Bella's POV

When the alarm went off at the completely unreasonable hour of six am, I swore. Loud.

"Jesus fuck! What is that!" I hadn't heard my alarm clock in a long time, having been laid off a few months prior from the salon I worked in. My sister and I both actually. _Stupid corporate Nazi's_.

Edward groaned and felt his hand around the bed where I had just been laying. "It's called an alarm clock Snow." He grumbled out. His hand reached my thigh and he squeezed.

"Ugh I know asshole." I sneezed and got another one of those sharp pains that made me feel like I was being snapped by a rubber band from the inside. "Son of a bitch!" I bent at the waist and as fast as the pain came, it went away. When I told the doc about this, she (yes she, I would let no male doctor near my lady bits, thankyouverymuch.) told me that it meant my uterus was moving up and I'd probably be starting to show soon. I was only ten weeks along! _This is bull shit. I want a fucking refund._

EJ rolled onto his side and propped up on his elbow before asking "You okay? How's my Sea Monkey?" He said as he poked my stomach with one hand and bent his head down to rub his eyes with the other.

"I'm fine. And you better not be one of those dads that asks if I'm okay thirty fucking times a day. I will _so_ kick you in the junk if you do that to me." Edward laughed at me and I scowled as I walked into the bathroom to shower.

I was mid-shampoo when I heard Edward put the toilet seat up. "Ugh… I can smell your pee. Nasty." I gagged a little and heard him flush. _Thank God our plumbing doesn't do that cold water shit._

Edward poked his head in and moved his eye brows all suggestively. "Can I get in with you?"

"No. This is Bella's thinking time today." I closed the shower curtain on him and he laughed.

Finding out I was pregnant was definitely on the list of things I never actually wanted to experience in life, and now that I had, I was so confused. _I thought I didn't want this… and now that it's here… I wouldn't change it for the world._

After Jasper and Edward left for the shop on Sunday morning, Alice pulled me into her bedroom. She riffled through a box at the top of her closet and pulled out a pregnancy test.

"I think you should take this." She said.

"Al, why the _fuck_ do you have a pregnancy test in your closet?!" If nothing else was weird about her actually having a pregnancy test, it was where she kept it.

"Well, Jasper and I had a scare a few months back, and the two pack was only like two dollars more. I thought it might come in handy, and it has, so be grateful you big fat bitch."

I turned the box over in my hand and thought about my periods. My last two had been extremely light, but I blamed it on the yoga classes Jasper had convinced me to start three months ago. I was always told that women who were big time athletes often had no period at all because of their lack of body fat, and a lot of younger athletes didn't even start getting one until they were much older. I just chocked the lighter periods to my new physique. _Which fucking rocked by the way. _

"But Al… why was it in your _closet?_"

She rolled her eyes. "Because you and EJ are the lucky bastards that have the ensuite bathroom. I'm not leaving my personal shit for everyone to see in that hall bath. Quit asking stupid questions and pee on the damn stick." _I should pee on your fucking bed for that shit._

Actually taking the test was nerve wracking. Partially because my sister decided she just HAD to sit with me to take it. As in, she was in the room while I peed on it. She insisted it was to make sure I did it right. _Cause it's _so_ effing hard to pee on a stick. _The other part was that I knew this wasn't something Edward and I were prepared for. At. All. For the past year things had just been so shitty.

We fought over the _dumbest_ things on the planet (I swear to God that man picked a fight about soap) and we just seemed to resent each other. I was honestly just waiting for the day that he would tell me he was done. I didn't want to do it myself because one: who wants to be alone? Two: I was so afraid that part of him was still in it and that I would break his heart. There was a tiny part of my brain that kept telling me my heart still held him, but I was just sure that the love we had was so different now.

When the stupid little digital test beeped I took a deep breath. Alice jumped up to look at it and I told her not too. She looked at me in confusion and I explained that if Edward couldn't be there to see it, then no one would. It would just be me.

I damn near fainted when the little screen had a stupid happy face on it and said "Pregnant". Once I composed myself enough to actually _have_ a thought, it was only of Edward. I croaked out "He should be here. He needs to be here. He can't be though. I have to be positive. Call Carlisle."

Alice dug through my purse and found my phone to get Carlisle's number. I knew it was a long shot, but there was no way I could wait to see a doctor, and he had connections all over Washington.

I sat completely stunned while I listened to the call that Alice made on my phone. "Carlisle? Hi, it's Alice… Bella's sister. Yeah um… so you can't tell _anyone_ but Bella just took a pregnancy test and it's positive,"

There was a long pause and I could hear the muffled sound of Carlisle's voice, but he wasn't yelling so I took that as a good sign. Alice covered the receiver and asked me when my last period was. I told her and she relayed the message.

"Yeah it's totally weird, but she said it was lighter and shorter than usual too." Another pause. "Look I know this is a long shot since it's a Sunday but isn't there _anyone _you can call that could see her today?" pause, "No he doesn't know, that's why she needs a doctor. She wants to be one-hundred-percent sure before she tells him." Pause, "Oh, and the doctor has to be female." Pause, "I know right!" Alice laughed and I wanted to kill her. She took in my glare and cleared her throat. "Yeah I can get a pen."

She walked out of the room for about five minutes and came back with a piece of paper that had a name and number on it. She told me that Carlisle would make the appointment and he would call back to let us know the time.

An hour later I was sitting on the couch with the TV on, but not watching it. I just stared and would occasionally chew the skin around my finger nails. My cell rang and I answered in a small voice.

"Bella, its Carlisle. I've called in a favor to an associate of mine, she said she'd see you today at the hospital at one pm. Can you make it there on time?" I told him I could. "Good. Bella, I really think you should let Edward go with you."

"I c-c-can't do that Carlisle." There was a lump forming in my throat because I knew he was right. I tried to clear my throat "Carlisle, he's not going to be happy about this. It's already so rocky and I just… I need to do this alone."

"If that's how you feel Bella, but I have to tell you that I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by his reaction." I held back the snort. "Just please, don't do anything… rash… until you discuss everything with him."

I was disgusted. Did this man really think I'd go and abort my baby just because Edward might go ass-hole over it?

I sighed before answering "Don't worry Carlisle. I'm not going to term my kid _or_ run off without so much as a letter. This may be far from planned, but it's still our kid… if the test is right. Look, thanks for the help. Just… please… I'm begging you, _don't tell Edward._"

I heard Carlisle's desk chair shift and creak before he promised he wouldn't and wished me a good visit. Then he blew my mind. "Oh Bella."

"Yes?"

"I can't wait to tell Esme she's going to be a grandmother again." I could hear his smile. "She'll be so beside herself with excitement that I doubt she'll know what to do."

"That's… great… Carlisle. Um…"

"Oh, I won't tell her until you say its okay, Sweetie. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pretty excited about having another grandchild myself though, so don't wait too long to tell everyone."

I expressed my thanks for the connection, threw up, and made Alice drive me to the hospital. I was pretty fucking irritated sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office. There were only about ten patients in the room, and each one had someone with them. There was one girl who looked to be about sixteen and she had her mother there. She looked… dead. The mother was reading a magazine looking exhausted. All the other women looked happy and chipper and all glowy and shit and I just wanted to hurl again.

"Hey," Alice nudged my arm with her elbow and leaned her head into whisper, "you see that lady standing at the desk, the one in the white shirt?" I nodded "You can _totally_ see her cottage cheese ass through her pants."

Sure enough the woman turned and her ass was covered in fucking dimples. The nurse called my name and Alice followed me back into the hall. The nurse weighed me, and much to my chagrin I had lost five pounds. The nurse, whose name I learned was Jenny, handed me a cup to fill in the bathroom. Alice actually followed me in.

"Alice, I can pee by myself."

"Yeah but I don't want to wait in the hall with that Jenny person. She's got a mustache." I groaned before peeing in the cup and setting in the little metal window as Jenny had instructed me.

After Jenny took us into the exam room and took my vitals, we were left to wait. Alice filed her nails and I sat in the robe that had been supplied me while I read a pamphlet about the practice. Apparently, they tried to make your OBGYN needs more "spa-like". _That explains the terry cloth robe and little fountains in the waiting room._ The practice consisted of six women and they made a point to have you seen by each doctor and the midwife at least once so that when you go into labor (_eek! Labor!_) you won't be meeting them for the first time. The pamphlet also stated that they try to make their hours as flexible as possible, offering one Saturday and one Sunday open a month. _Explains the full waiting room._

Soon enough a tall, thin woman with a Russian accent came into the room.

"Isabella?" I nodded. "Hi, I'm Dr. Kohaut and I'll be the primary doctor on your file. I hear you're a friend of Carlisle Cullen's?"

"Um, yes. He's my boyfriend's father."

"Wonderful! Okay so I'm going to get some information from you first, and then we'll do an ultrasound to try and date the pregnancy better." I nodded my assent and she started rambling off about four-hundred-and-sixty-eight questions. I was pretty exhausted by the time she was done getting my entire history.

"Okay I'll be right back. I hate the ultrasound machine in this room, so I'm going to have Jenny move you into the next one over, alright?" I nodded again and Alice gave me a look that clearly expressed how insane she thought this all was. _Me too Al, me too._

Jenny came in and told me I didn't have to redress, that I could walk to the next room in the robe. _Awesome. I've always wanted to walk through a doctor's office hall in a fucking bathrobe._ We got settled into the next room, and Jenny stayed with us this time. Dr. Kohaut entered soon and pulled the stirrups from the table.

"Because of how far along you are, we'll have to do the ultrasound internally." Now, I wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but when she rolled the cart into my view, I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

The cart held a screen that looked a lot like a small computer, along with a keyboard. Attached to one side of the screen though, there was a strange looking probe that had a sort of flat, yet rounded tip. Covering the probe was a mother fucking condom with the wrapper opened and resting on the tip, I expected it was to prevent contamination. What startled me more than the idea of being probed with a condom covered piece of medical equipment though, was that the condom was _ribbed for her pleasure._ Ribbed. For. Her. Pleasure. You can't make this shit up.

Alice was instructed to come sit by my head as I placed my feet in the God forsaken stirrups. _Thank God Edward isn't here._ Dr. Kohaut asked me to scoot my ass closer to the edge of the table, and I shimmied as best I could.

"Okay, I'm going to insert the wand so we can get a good look at everything, and then I'm going to check on the baby." I tilted my head back a little bit and closed my eyes.

Alice rubbed my shoulder. I felt the probe, and while it didn't feel horrible, it was just too damn awkward for me to look anywhere. She pressed around all up in my betty for a little bit before finally saying "Ah, there we go!" I heard a click of a switch and then I heard the most incredible sound I'd ever heard.

_Wha-pump, wha-pump, wha-pump_. Alice gasped and I slowly turned my head to the screen. The picture was black and white, and in the middle of a big oval was my little baby. I could make out the torso and head, and in the torso was a little white _thing_ that was flashing like a tiny white beacon.

"See there?" Dr. Kohaut asked using the curser on the screen to point to the white flashing. I nodded, unable to form words. "That's your baby's heart. It's strong." I closed my eyes and let a tear escape.

"I'm going to give you a few print-outs, would you like one for your boyfriend that says 'Hi Daddy'?"

"Yes please." I answered.

Dr. Kohaut pointed out a few more things to me on the screen and I relished in the fast _wha-pump_ sound that was coming through the speakers.

Dr. Kohaut removed the wand and handed me the pictures. She told me I was ten weeks along, based on the baby's growth and the amount of fluid in my womb. She told me to go ahead and get ready and then I could make an appointment for four weeks from then if I'd want to continue going there. I lay on the table for a good couple of minutes before I asked Alice if she wouldn't mind stepping out side to give me a minute by myself.

"Sure Doll Face." She quietly answered before kissing the top of my head.

I stayed lying on the table staring at the picture in my hand. My little baby. That heart beat was incredible and I wished I could hear it all the time. I was looking at a picture where he or she looked like they were sucking their thumb and I realized that I loved this baby way to much to bring it into a home with parents that were fighting all the time. I made my decision and stood from the table. I got my phone from my jeans pocket and dialed Angela. I asked her if I could stay with her for a few days, and she told me I could stay as long as I wanted. I threw up four times in the thirty minute ride to the tattoo studio.

When I told Edward my plan, he flipped his shit. I could see in his face as he yelled that he still loved me, and I knew I still loved him. This was going to be a long ride and while I didn't believe him at first, it took him a few times telling me before I got it.

Which brings us to today. I stepped out of the shower, both body and mind thoroughly clean. Edward was dressed and packing up toiletries for our trip to Forks. _Yay. I'm so fucking excited._

I sat on my bed to lotion my body. "Um, EJ."

"Yeah."

"You should know something."

Edward sat on the bed next to me and grabbed my lotion to smother my back. "What's up Snow?"

"Please don't be mad… but your dad sort of already knows… about the baby." Edward stopped rubbing the lotion in. "Alice told him… she sort of had to. He doesn't know for sure, but we had to call him so I could get into an OB's office. I had only taken the home test, so we weren't positive, and I didn't talk to him after the appointment."

"Fuck Bella. I wish you would've told me he knew!" Edward wiped his hands on my towel and got up to pace in front of the bed.

"Edward, I'm really sorry. But how else was I supposed to get in to see a doctor on a _Sunday_?"

"You could've waited til Monday." He grumbled. I snorted. Edward and I were not known for our patience.

"Yeah that would've worked out great. I piss on the stick Sunday morning and I'd have to sit on that information for a whole day?"

"You wouldn't have had to. You could've told me, Bella. I don't know why you didn't."

"Because I had to be sure. People have false positives all the time. Look, even if I did tell you, you would've called your dad anyways to have him set up the same thing I did."

Edward let out a big gust of air and slumped to the bed. "Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry."

I waited a few moments before I spoke in a small voice. "He said he was really excited."

I saw Edward smile a bit. "Alright Snow White." He clapped his hands on his knees. "Let's finish getting ready so that we can get to what's sure to be my death." I snickered knowing that my dad could put such fear in what I had always considered to be the toughest guy I knew.

An hour and a half later, Emmett and Rosalie were at our house with coffees for everyone.

"I still think it's shitty that I'm the only one that has to ride with EJ." I grumbled. Emmett laughed and Alice shot me a look full of pity.

Edward on road trips pissed _everyone_ off. He would gripe about every single thing he could. "You're not going fast enough", "We need gas", "I fuckin' hate this song", "I'm hungry". It was honestly like driving with a child, but if you let him drive you were sure to have a heart attack. He was a speed demon. Thankfully I only had about three hours in the car with him. Unfortunately, some of that time was spent on a damn ferry and that meant he was going to be bored.

"Oh hey man, I got you a little gift for the ride." Jasper said pointing at Edward. He ran into his room and came back with a Wal-Mart bag. "I figured it would keep you distracted and Bella wouldn't want to kill you by the time we got to the hotel."

Edward pulled a black box out and grinned. "Dude… this is awesome." He immediately opened the box and pulled out what looked like a small computer. When he lifted the screen, I noticed it was a portable DVD player.

I ran to Jasper and jumped on him in a tight hug. "Jasper, I owe you so big. I'll throw Alice a sex toy party for her bachelorette party and make sure she gets lots of stuff!"

Edward pretended to gag while he and Emmett checked out his new toy and Alice clapped. "Yay! I've always wanted a sex toy party!" Jasper smiled lazily.

"I've got the name of a great consultant!" Rosalie chimed in.

"Ooh! Rose you should help me plan it!" I said. She smiled and nodded.

Thirty minutes later we were getting in the cars. Edward brought fifteen fucking DVDs, I rolled my eyes and he claimed that he wanted a good selection. I told him to shut up and put his ear buds in as I set my iPod up with the tape deck adapter.

The ride was much better than I expected thanks to Jasper. When we got on the ferry everyone got out of the cars to head to the restaurant on deck. We were all sitting at a table when Edward started hounding me about my fucking car.

"Bella, you need to let me buy you a new car."

"No I don't."

"Doll Face, I love you dearly, but you can't drive a baby around in that thing." Alice chimed in.

"We've got Edward's car. It's fine." I grumbled. "We can just drive the baby in that."

"Sweetie, Edward's car doesn't have back doors. Isn't that going to be a pain in the ass?" Rose said.

"Oh my God! Lets just _all_ gang up on Bella and her awesome car, because we just _want_ to see a pregnant woman cry apparently." I threw my hands in the air and stormed off to the bathroom.

I was splashing my face with water when my cell rang. I immediately recognized the name on the screen.

"Hey Alec." I sighed.

"Mm, hey Fetus. You sound all annoyed and shit. Is that gorgeous arm candy you carry around pissing you off?" I smiled.

Alec was one of my closest friends and confidant's. We had met in hair school, and he had been laid off with Alice and me when the salon chain we were working for got bought out.

Alec was one of those gay guys that you just knew, the second you saw him on the street, was a queen. I loved him to pieces. He had jet black hair with a few blue chunks that was spiky in the back and a bit on the left side; the front pushed forward and towards the right and was longer than the rest. I can honestly say it was the most interesting hair cut I'd ever given. He had impeccable taste, and usually wore things that were tighter fitting. He was the average girl's height, only a few inches taller than me, and rail thin. _Always dieting_. He had started calling me fetus when we met, saying that I looked way to young to be my actual age.

"So tell me what's up, ya whore. I haven't heard anything from you in a while."

"Well, we decided not to tell anyone until we told family on Thursday but everyone just jumped all over me about Wanda so I'm gonna tell someone."

"Oooh I love vengeful gossip." I could hear his eyes widen.

"EJ knocked me up."

There was a loud clank and a squeal in the background. I waited a minute, smiling to myself. "Back up Fetus. Did you just tell me you're pregs? Like there's a baby taking up residence in your uterus?"

I laughed, only Alec would word shit that way. "Yep."

"Holy shit! That is so… _cool!_ Sooo," his tone went higher as he finished drawing out the word, "when's your vadge spitting it out?"

"Well, I'm due June twentieth, if that's what you're asking." I rolled my eyes.

"Of course that's what I'm asking. Jesus Fetus. Oh, so hey. I applied at this really amazing spa down town. Apparently, they're like, _super_ desperate for stylists and asked me to have any stylist friends come in and apply, so you and that little spazzy sister of yours should totally come in."

"Yeah I'll think about it Alec. I mean… I'm not really sure what I'm going to do as far as work in concerned. EJ has such a shitty schedule and we're going to have a kid in daycare and shit, so I'll probably need to get some lame ass job at a bank or something, just so I can have normal hours." I cringed. A bank job was so not what I wanted.

"Okaaaay," he sang out the word, "if that's what you think you want. Oh, hey my _mother_ is calling me so I'll have to talk to you later." He laughed, "fucking pregnant. God damn breeder." Before hanging up.

I turned into one of the stalls to pee and when I came out there was another woman at the sink. I could always tell exactly which piercing people were staring at based on what part of my face they couldn't tear their eyes away from, and I always took inventory.

If they were looking around my right eye, I knew it was the anti-eyebrow. The middle of my face, I knew it was the two small hoops in my left nostril. My mouth, the vertical labret. My favorite thing to do was to smile when I saw these people blatantly staring at me. They'd cringe at the sight of a barbell in my gums between my two front teeth. I have to admit, that piercing was one hell of a bitch to do, seeing as I didn't have any space at all between my teeth. I rarely got stares at the twenty or so piercings in my ears.

Edward and I had gotten used to the stares when we walked together out in public. Both of his arms were heavily tattooed as was his neck. He even had "Snow" tattooed across the knuckles of his left hand for me. I liked to watch people scan his face and take inventory just like I watched them with mine. Right eye, double eye brow piercing; either side of his face, cheek piercings (or "dimples", whatever) middle of his face, septum. His ears were just as heavily pierced as mine, and people definitely took notice. Of course, people also stared because he was just so fucking hot. I always knew those bright green eyes and reddish brown sex hair would get stares. It probably didn't help much that he was well over six feet tall with the most beautifully built body I'd ever seen.

The woman surveyed the extensive tattoo work on my arm and shuddered a bit. Maybe it was the hormones, but I couldn't stop myself.

"My God, I'm not some deviant who's gonna make you hand over your purse. Jesus." I grumbled before I stomped out of the bathroom.

When I got back to the table, everyone apologized except Edward. He just shoved half a hot dog in his mouth. Edward and his brother Emmett both still ate like teenagers, only Emmett was worse. I started calling Edward "Emmett Junior" or EJ as a result of this. So fucking gross. They weren't messy eaters, they just ate a _ton_ all at one meal.

I knew he wouldn't apologize though. He hated Wanda The Honda and I knew he was going to use the baby as an excuse to buy me some new vehicle that I didn't want. Eventually, it was time to get back to our cars to get off the ferry. _Yay… time to tell the parental units about our out-of-wedlock child. Wahoo. I'm so effing excited._

**So... funny story. Alec is based off of two great queens that I know and love. He looks like my friend Mattie, but talks like my friend Ed. Ed called me Fetus all thru highschool because at sixteen years old, I still looked twelve. Even now at almost 25 I look sixteen. Maybe I'll love it when I'm fifty but right now it's a bitch to buy fucking smokes. And Bella's experience at the OB's office... TOTALLY mine. Everything down to the pleasure enhanced condom on the damn probe. I still don't get that, the only enjoyable part was seeing little man on the screen. **


	5. What an effing night

**LOVELY READERS!!!! Oh how I miss you!!!!!! No Lie: my beta has had this chapter ready for me for over a week. I'm a dirty whore. It's okay, you can say it. Let's all say it. :holds hands in the air like a conductor: Dani. Is. A. Dirty. Whore. **

**Now that _that's_ all cleared up. **

**I really am sorry for sitting on this for so long. It's been a pretty hellish week plus few days. Family stuff and whot not. Let's not forget about the yearly monstrosity that is Christmas, either. You know what I think Christmas is? Of course you dont, so here... I'll tell you. Christmas is the calenders period. Yep. Her monthly flow. Her time of the year. She's on the rag. Her aunt flo. I can go on... but the point is, the entire effing country is so damn MOODY! And nasty, and whiney and has cramps or some shit. UGH! Don't get me wrong, I looooove Christmas with my family (well, half of it. My momma's Jewish, btw - if you were wondering, Chanukah is an effing BLAST!) but I'll be damned if tensions don't run as high as the Empire State Building the entire month of December. And that makes writing HARD. Harder than EJ's monster dick when he watches Bella shower. Plus, I think my gay uncle forgot that my son is, ya know, a boy. He gave him a purple and lavender crocheted afgan for Christmas. No. Lie. **

**I know I said this chap would be Thanksgiving, but it's not. Oh well. Oh, and it's come to my attention that I had a little continuity problem in the last chap. I was reviewing what I'd written so far and I realized that I made Carlisle sound like they didn't have any grandkids, but they do. As established in the first chap. Emmett's got a kid that his ex is a whore about and doesn't let him see her very much. But we'll delve more into that later. So I went back and fixed Carlisle's statements.**

**On that note, I don't own Twilight. I DO own the most amazing mutt ever that I adopted from the Humane Society last March. I've been out of town for a few days and missed him soooo much! Oh yeah, I missed the hubs too. P to the S - I have music for this chap. I won't do it for every one, because sometimes I just don't have one in my head while I write, but I had TWO in my head for this chap. I'll put the lyrics for the first one at the beginning and the lyrics for the second at the end. LOOK YOU WHORES. I lurve you! Outfits are on my profile too.**

_I said you got me where you want me again_

_And I can't turn away_

_I'm hanging by a thread and I'm feelin like a fool_

_I'm stuck here in-between the shadows of my yesterday_

_I want to get away_

_I need to get away_

_* _Back Against the Wall by Cage The Elephant*

5 – WHAT AN EFFING NIGHT Edward POV

When we got checked in to the hotel in Port Angeles, Bella said she needed a nap. Alice and Rose said they needed to go shopping, so Jasper, Emmett and I went down to the lounge for a beer.

"So what's the baby news plan?" Jasper asked.

I took a sip of my beer and looked down. "Um, we aren't really sure. Bella thinks we should tell our parents either tonight or tomorrow, and then make the big announcement to the rest of the family on Thursday. I don't think I'm okay with that though because if we tell her dad at his place, he can shoot me."

Emmett laughed and Jasper shook his head. "Edward, he can't shoot you."

"Jasper, he's the fucking police chief and I knocked up his daughter! It doesn't help anything that he thinks I'm a delinquent." I ran my hands over my face a few times. "We're going to dinner with her dad tonight. Maybe we should tell him then."

Emmett was trying to throw peanuts from the bar into the bartender's mouth but Jasper was paying close attention to me, which gave me a great fucking idea.

"Hey, you and Wonderland should come to dinner with us."

The fucker didn't even wait two seconds before answering me. "No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. Charlie Swan creeps me out."

"_How?_" I drew the word out. I honestly couldn't figure out how Charlie Swan could creep anyone out. I mean, the guy was kind of quiet, sure, but creepy? No. Definitely a little scary if you said the wrong thing about one of his daughters, but that was mostly because that dude had a gun.

Jasper leaned in real close. "Um… have you ever tried to talk to him without Bella around?"

"No."

"Good. Don't. He just _sits there_ all quiet and he'll slide his eyes over to you and kinda look you up and down, like he's thinking of ways to kill you." Jasper nodded his head and took a swig of his beer.

I took my last gulp and told Jasper I was going up to the room. I snapped a picture with my phone of Emmett being a total douche and still throwing peanuts into the bartender's mouth and sent it to Rosalie.

When I got upstairs Bella was just waking up. "Hi." She yawned out as she stretched.

"Hey. You have a good nap?" I sat down on the bed and rubbed her back while she stretched her neck out.

"Yeah… What time is it?"

"Two. Hey so I have an idea."

Bella stood up and started unpacking a few things. "What sort of idea."

"So, you know how I'm fucking _terrified_ to tell your dad that I got you pregnant and shit?" She nodded, "well um… why don't we do dinner with your dad and bring Alice and Jasper too?"

"That actually sounds really good. Did you ask Jasper?"

"Yeah… uh… he's scared of your dad and doesn't want to go but I thought maybe if you talked to Wonderland and got _her_ to go, then he'd sort of… have to."

Bella slowly turned around, gawked at me for a second, and then burst into laughter. I'm talkin' rollin' on the floor, I thought she was gonna piss herself, laughter.

"Snow White, why are you about to have a fucking seizure? This shit isn't funny."

She laughed a little bit more, actually snorted a few times, and finally calmed the hell down enough to answer me. "I can just picture it. You and Jasper sitting across from my dad," she started laughing again and I glared at her, "I'm sorry it's just… you two could both quite easily take down my dad… and you're both," she paused and pressed her lips together hard, obviously she didn't want to piss me off any more with her fuckery. "You're both _afraid_ of him!"

I swatted her ass before I went to take my shower. When I got out, Alice and Rosalie were sitting on the hotel room bed with Bella, showing her the things they had bought. Apparently, Alice thought Bella was going to need a whole shit ton of maternity clothes soon or some such shit.

"See, they've got this comfort waist thing, but they're still really cute, and still your style." Rose said while holding up a pair of the weirdest looking jeans I'd ever seen. Where there should've been a waistband and a fly, there was a wide dark blue band.

"What the hell are those?" I asked.

"Maternity pants, dipshit." Alice rolled her eyes.

"They look… weird." I said while shaking some of the water out of my hair.

"Oh EJ!" Bella sounded excited.

"Yes." I was a little wary.

"Alice and Jasper are coming with us to dinner!"

I sighed in relief. Thank God. I honestly couldn't imagine sitting there across from Charlie Swan, pretty much on my own, while he shot me fucking death glares.

"Alright ladies, me and EJ need to get a little sexin' in before dinner. I'm afraid Daddy might cut off his balls, so I should get at least one good time in before, huh?" Bella laughed as she shoved Rosalie and Alice out of our room.

"So I'm gettin' laid?" I asked while lying back on the bed.

"Nope, I just didn't want them in here anymore." I felt my face fall. Who the fuck says shit like that and doesn't deliver? I grunted my annoyance before Bella came skipping at me and hopped onto my lap, facing me. _This is not going to help the wood under this fucking towel._ "I was kidding," she said seductively, "don't be such a bitch-fork."

She pulled her shirt over her head and I was really fucking excited because she wasn't wearing a bra. She grinned as she shifted on my lap to unbutton her jeans. I grabbed her by the hips and flipped her onto her back on the bed before I slid her jeans off. _No fucking panties? Jesus!_ She reached up and tore my towel off and a happy smirk spread on her face at my already hard and twitching johnson.

I reached my hand between her legs, into her betty, and felt that she was already fucking wet. _Sweet mother of God!_ I grunted and ran my fingers over her pipote and slid them inside of her. Her back arched a little in a really fucking sexy way and I decided I couldn't take it any more. I leaned forward and whispered into her ear "I can't take this shit," before I pushed myself into her. She gasped and gripped my shoulders, digging her fingernails into my skin. I made some sort of animal noise that she seemed to love and began to thrust. In and out, harder and faster, she kept egging me on.

"Come on Eddie, harder!" she'd groan out. I was more than willing to comply. I pounded as hard as I could into her, enjoying the feeling of her hot, tight, wet walls around my dick. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer, and I didn't want to leave her high and dry so I reached down ran my thumb in fast circles over her clit.

"Fuuuuuck!" she screamed out as I felt her clench around me. Her neck was strained as she forced her head back before she snapped her head forward and bit my shoulder. Hard. I pounded a few more times before I came and fell onto her.

Her head rested on the pillow and she let out a contented moan, one of her hands played lazily with my hair and the other rested on my back.

"You bit pretty hard this time." I said as I craned my neck to try and get a good look at my shoulder. There was a bright red bite mark that had already puffed up a little bit. No doubt it'd be angry lookin' in a few hours.

It was harder than she had in a long time. Bella and her biting went hand in hand. She never warned me about that shit the first time we fucked, and when she did it that first time, I thought I had just given her the orgasm of all fucking orgasms. I thought I was a fucking master. Then every time she came, she bit and I learned that while she told me I was fucking amazing in bed, she was just a biter. And I liked it.

She leaned up to rub the bite mark before she kissed it lightly. "Okay, well. We should probably get dressed and head out. Daddy wants to eat at the lodge, and I told him that was fine." I groaned and made a face. I fucking hated that restaurant. "Hey, we're telling him big news here, we should butter him up some." I hung my head in defeat. She was fucking right and I had a night ahead of me that I was sure I'd never forget.

An hour later, we were waiting in the lobby for Alice and Jasper. Per Bella's request, actually fucking _demand,_ I had worn a black button up shirt and my nice jeans. She was wearing these sexy as fuck shiny legging things under this really tight, long sleeved dress with John Lennon and Yoko Ono on the friggin front. Naturally, she had on those damn Doc Marten boots. She looked smokin' hot and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to sit through dinner with her sister and father without groping her.

We saw Alice and Jasper get off the elevator and Bella stood up. I grabbed her black and white plaid coat from the bench and helped her put it on. Alice already had on her purple trench coat and was buttoning it to cover the blue and black plaid skirt and grey and black ruffly shirt thing. For the most part, everyone looked well put together, perfect for the night when we'd drop the bomb to Bella and Alice's father that I had knocked her up and we had no intentions of getting married. _Yay!_ Except for Jasper.

That fucker was so pissed about having to go that he just threw on some pants with suspenders, fucking chuck tailors, and a damn green and black plaid shirt with a plain black mother fucking hoodie.

"What the fuck Jasper? You couldn't put on something decent? This is fucking important!" Bella yelled and the few people in the lobby stopped to stare. Bella looked at her watch. "Jesus, of course we don't have time for you to fucking change. Ya know Jasper, this is a big fucking deal. We're going to tell my father that you're going to be an uncle and you can't even put on nice clothes! Ugh, he's going to want to punch you or something. _I_ want to punch you. Alice, can I hit him?"

Alice sort of smirked at Jasper and said "I don't care if you hit him, but I think that just might put undue stress on the evening. Let's just go." Bella growled and I thought for a second I was going to have to restrain her, but she just stomped out of the building to the car while she buttoned her jacket.

The hour long drive to Forks was quiet. Jasper tried to apologize a few times, but each time Bella either growled, or told him to shut the fuck up.

I drove past the street my parents lived on and smirked a bit at the memory of when I took Bella to meet my parents.

"_Um, Edward, what are we doing in Forks?" _

"_My parents live here Bella." I said as I turned onto the street. _

_Bella let out a single laugh, then a snort, then she burst into laughter so loud, I swear the fucking car shook. "Well, we might as well kill two birds with one stone, that tiny town I'm always telling you about that I grew up in? Yeah, this is it. My dad lives about four streets in that direction." She said as she pointed out the window. _

_My heart dropped. Did I want to meet her dad? And how had it not come up in the six months we had been dating that she lived in Forks, Washington; the very town that mother decided she _had_ to live in when she sold her design firm in Chicago? _

Eventually we made it to the restaurant. Charlie and his new wife Sue were standing by the door, clearly waiting on us.

Bella and Alice already had their hands on the doors before the car had stopped. They each jumped out and ran like fucking pre-schoolers to their father and each hugged a side. Jasper and I made our way up.

The second Chief Swan looked at me, he gave me a slight smile and a stiff nod. I put my hand out to shake his. "Chief Swan, how are you tonight?"

"I'm fine Edward. Jasper, did you decide tonight's dinner wasn't reason enough to put on some decent clothes?"

Jasper's eyes got huge and he started fucking stuttering before he just opened his damned mouth and apologized. I gave him my best "you're an asshole" face before Chief Swan started in on me.

"And you. You couldn't find an iron in the entire hotel?" He shook his head rubbed his forehead.

"Charlie, that's not what we're here for. You promised the girls that you'd be nice." Sue said as she held onto his arm.

"Yeah Daddy, you said nice. That's not nice. And Jasper didn't have anything else, the only good clothes he brought are for Thursday. Us coming was last minute, remember?" Alice said. Chief Swan nodded and I rolled my eyes knowing good and damn well that Alice had probably packed him three damn outfit choices for Thursday and he could've easily worn one of those tonight. Alice finished with, "Now that we're done harping on peoples' appearances, let's go inside and eat. Beetle and I are starving."

Bella growled before telling Alice to shut the hell up. "I fucking hate that nickname you whore!"

"Isabella! Language!" Chief Swan just shook his head and we all walked inside.

"Party of six?" the little blond hostess said.

"Yes, and by the window please." Bella answered, like always. I still have no God damn idea what her obsession was with sitting by a window at restaurants, but it was always the same.

The hostess checked her seat chart thing and smiled "That's great, we just had a table by the window become available. Let me just go make sure it's all cleared off, I'll be right back."

The hostess took off and left us to ourselves.

"So Daddy, we have a date set." Alice chirped. This was going to be fan-fucking-tastic.

"Really?" Chief Swan answered as he wrapped an arm around each of his daughters.

"Yes sir. June fifth, we're not taking much of a honeymoon. Jasper needs to get back to the shop soon after."

I was sure Alice was going to slip and end her sentence with "for the baby's arrival" and thank fucking God she didn't.

The next fifteen minutes were filled with wedding crap, and I just stood to the side, letting Chief Swan enjoy at least this part of the night. Eventually the hostess came back around and walked us to a table that was only one table over from the window.

"I guess this works." Bella said, a little deflated. I just shook my head.

We all sat down, a bit awkwardly I might add, and Jasper started to speak.

"So, um… Chief Swan, how's the fishing these days?"

Chief Swan just sort of gawked at Jasper and Bella and Alice both tried to stifle laughs. Sue just reached over and patted Jasper's hand.

"Jas, man… you're a fucking moron sometimes." Chief Swan shot me a glare and I tried to cover for myself "I mean, why not just come out with 'how about that cold snap'?"

Bella laughed and soon our waiter came to get drink orders. Chief Swan, Jasper and myself ordered beers, Sue and Alice had a glass of wine.

"Bella dear, wouldn't you like a glass of that red wine you like so much? My treat!" Sue said, nodding towards Bella's glass of water.

"Um, no thanks."

"Aw, that's awfully nice, sure she would, Sue. Wouldn't you baby?" The Chief patted Bella's shoulder.

Bella cleared her throat. _Oh God, not now. Not before he's eaten. God make her stop! Not now! Not now! Not ever! Where's the emergency exit?_

"Actually, Daddy. Um… there's a… uh… reason I wanted to come to eat before Thursday… I missed you a ton lately. And uh…" Bella stammered and stuttered a few more minutes and I honestly couldn't take it any more. I felt like I might fucking explode and there'd be Edward Cullen all over the fucking walls. Bella started trying to tear the napkin, but it was cloth and her face started to turn red and I just about passed out from holding my breath so long.

"Igotyourdaughterpregnant!" I blurted out. Bella dropped her head and everyone else at the table stared at me with open mouths. I grabbed my beer and took the biggest fucking gulp I could manage, trying to drink it all at once.

"Son, if you said what I think you said, then you had better _run. And fast._" Chief Swan was a shade of purple I'd never seen before and I thought I might have killed him somehow.

"Surprise, Daddy. You're gonna be a grandpa!" Bella tried to smile, but it looked a lot like a face she makes when she smells something rancid.

Chief Swan stood up. "Cullen, outside. Now." He walked outside and I saw him through the window, he didn't move. He didn't pace like I would have, he just stood there.

"This is a _disaster!_" Bella mumbled into her hands.

I reached over and grabbed her wrists to pull her hands from her face. "I'll take care of it Snow White." I kissed the side of her head. "I'll be right back."

I noticed Sue and Alice each scoot their chairs closer to Bella and each of them grabbed a side of her and hugged tightly. Sue did that mom thing and dipped her napkin into water to wipe Bella's face. I took a deep breath as I got to the restaurant doors. I pushed them open and stuck my hands in my pockets as I rounded the corner. Chief Swan was standing there, just _standing_ there. He wasn't doing anything, saying anything, looking at anything.

"Um…" I cleared my throat. This was the most awkward fucking situation on the God damned planet.

"Are you going to marry her?" He asked. His voice was determined. I was suddenly terrified about my answer. Sure, I'd marry her… _if she'd let me._ I had thought about it a lot the past two days, and it really wouldn't be any different than how things are now. We'd just have some legal paper. Maybe it'd even be good, people would stop giving us shit about living in sin.

I cleared my throat again. "Sir… I'd marry your daughter. But um…"

"No 'buts', you'll marry her. You'll make an honest woman of her. You'd better."

_Oh for the love of fucking Jesus._ "Sir, she doesn't _want_ to be married. We've talked about this off and on for the last five years."

"Have you told her you want to marry her?"

"Honestly, sir? I only want to marry her if she wants to be married to me. I'm perfectly happy with how things are now."

"Of course you are. 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free' and all that, huh?"

Chief Swan was pretty livid by this point. His face had turned back into the purpley-red color and I swear I saw veins burst under his skin. My next statement will haunt me for the rest of fucking eternity.

"Did you just refer to your daughter as a _cow_, sir?" _Tactful, Cullen. Good job._

That's when I saw a few things happen at the same time. I saw the blur of crazy as fuck blond hair come running out of the restaurant through my peripheral vision, and in front of me, I saw Charlie Swan turn blue before rearing his arm back while he growled. _So _that's _where Bella gets it._ His hand was clenched in a fist and he thrust it forward with as much force as a fucking donkey's kick. When it connected with my face, it sent my head slamming into the brick pillar that held the restaurant's awnings up. I wanna say I heard someone say "Oh shit!" but I blacked out, so I can't be sure.

_I left my baby and it feels so bad_

_I guess my race is won_

_She's the best girl that I ever had_

_I fought the law and the law won_

_I fought the law and the law won_

*I Fought the Law by The Clash*

(Jeebus I love me some early era punk)

**DON'T HATE ME! DON'T HATE ME! DON'T HATE ME! If it makes you hate me less, I've got more than half of the next chap written. Yes I do! And Edward drops a whammie on Bella. Like an ass. I want to growl and punch him. But it must be done. **

**BY THE WAY: all of Bella's pregnancy expierences I'm basing entirely off my ONE experience. I had a blighted ovum (go google it if you must) once, but that was only for a few weeks and I don't count it as pregnancy for me. I've got lots of friends with bebes so I'll ask them too, but ALL of her docs office experiences are mine. Including the office, my OBGYN office really is just like what was written in the previous chap. **


	6. My dad hit my boyfriend WTF?

**LOVELY READERS! Once again, Dani is at dirty whore status. I'd like to have some logical reason as to why this chap hasn't been up, since it's been written for a few weeks, but I don't. My Beta-Supreme had this shit to me the same day I had it to her, and guess what? It still took my big ass 2 weeks+ to get it uploaded. **

**Writing is becoming increasingly difficult for me because my damn file server is down, and transfering my stuff from my PC to my laptop is a giant PAIN IN THE ASS. Plus, my laptop is PISSING ME OFF. I sent it back to HP a few months back for some issues, and now it's got even WEIRDER issues. As in: It won't recognize that I've plugged in my MP3 player OR my thumb drive, yet it makes that little ding sound when I plug them in, and both items say they are plugged in. And for some reason, any files I created before I sent it, I can't save anything new into. It tells me I don't have permission. WHAT. THE. FUCK. It's still under warranty so I'm sending that bitch back as soon as I'm done editing my most recent client's pictures. **

**ENOUGH ABOUT MY ISSUES! ****I don't own Twilight, but I do own a laptop that hates me right now. Make sure to read the AN at the end. PUH-LEEEEZE! REVIEWS GET YOU A TEASER FOR THE NEXT CHAP! **

_Screamin' at the cousin, who never gets no lovin', the hair monkey's covered tonight_

_Fallin' over tables, a black eye with no way home_

_And poutin' underneath the streelights_

_He's reachin' and a kissin' her mouth_

_Oh! He's such a sucker from her head to her toes!_

_Oh! He's such a sucker from her head to her toes!_

_And no one seems to like it out loud_

_Oh! He's such a sucker from her head to her toes! _

_Oh! He's such a sucker from her head to her toes!_

**_*Head to Toe - Kings of Leon* (and I have NO CLUE why these lyrics are double spaced)_**

6 – MY DAD HIT MY BOYFRIEND. WTF? – Bella POV

_Daddy hit my boyfriend. My father hit my boyfriend. The chief of police in Forks, Washington _hit_ the father of my unborn child. What. The. Hell?_

When my dad asked Edward to go outside, I figured it wouldn't be pleasant, but I surely didn't think he was going to punch him. I mean hell… I'd never seen my dad hit _anybody_. My mother had always said that he had a bit of a nasty temper, and that was part of the reason for the divorce, but I had never witnessed his temper. When Alice or I did something that pissed him off, he usually just grumbled something about 'boys woulda been easier' and stomped into the living room to slouch in his shitty old recliner. I obviously never expected him to hit one of us, but for someone who supposedly had a nasty temper, I would've thought he'd yell or something.

When they walked outside, Sue and Alice hugged my shoulders and Sue went into gushing-woman-mode asking my due date. It wasn't long before Alice gasped.

"Jasper, go outside! Now!" She yelled out as she slapped his shoulder.

"What? Why?" Jasper hadn't really been paying attention to the evening after Daddy bugged him about his clothes.

"Just go!" Alice yelled as she pushed him up out of his seat, "and fast!"

Jasper got up and walked hurriedly to the door. Right as he was coming out of the door, I saw my father pull his fist back through the window. Jasper took off towards them and got to Edward just in time to catch him as he blacked out.

"Holy shit!" I yelled as I stood up. Everyone in the restaurant was either watching the window or me. I ran outside to see Jasper trying to lean Edward up against the brick pillar his head had just been rammed into. "Dad, what the _fuck_ did you do that for?!"

"He told me I called you a cow!" Charlie was flustered and red and clearly still pissed off about the pregnancy thing. _Oh fucking well Chief. _

"So you _hit _him?"

"Well… no…. he also said he wouldn't marry you."

"Oh. My. God. I don't _want_ to get married you ass!" I threw my hands into the air and bent down to take a look at Edward. "Jesus. I need to take him to the emergency room."

The left side of Edward's face was already starting to swell and bruise between his jaw and temple and his right cheek bone and temple were bleeding and swelling. His eyes fluttered opened a bit but he clearly wasn't 'there'.

"EJ, can you hear me?" I asked. I tried to dab at some of the blood with my hand, but I wasn't making much progress. I was afraid to touch him too hard.

"Yeah." He groaned out. "You growl when you hit."

I rolled my eyes. This was not news. I threw my first 'angry punch' in the first grade and I'll never forget the sound of the teacher's aide's voice when she took me to the principle's office and told her what happened.

_"Well… it seems that Isabella here wasn't too pleased with a class mate. Instead of coming to get me… she… she _growled_ and then hit him. I've never _seen_ a kid growl before! It was the eeriest thing!" _

"I know I growl. EJ, baby… can you walk okay?" I was looking into his eyes, trying to remember how to tell if someone had a concussion.

"Of course I can walk okay. Your dad growls too." I shot my dad a glare just as Jasper helped him up and Sue and Alice appeared with my coat and purse.

"Come on, you're going to the hospital."

"Oh Jesus. I'm _fine_ Bella." Just as Edward was finishing his statement, he faltered on his feet a bit. Edward was one of the most graceful people I had ever met, so I took it as a cue that he wasn't, in fact, fine.

"I don't care what you say, we're going." I poked him in the chest with my index finger. "You hear me? We're. Going." I stood my ground and was prepared to knock his ass out again if he fought me too hard on it. He groaned and righted himself, then walked to the car.

"Dad, you and I are going to have a long as fuck discussion about this. I cannot believe you _hit_ Edward. I mean really? What the hell was that going to accomplish?" I threw my hands in the air, palms out, and turned my head away. "You know what? Don't answer that. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I get it, I'm the police chief's daughter who's been living in sin with her delinquent boyfriend and he knocked her up and they're not married, blah blah blah. Whatever. I'm your great big disappointment. Awesome. Go plan Alice's wedding or something that'll make you happy."

"Oh Bella, honey." Sue started towards me, but I put my hands further out.

"Nope. I'm out. I've got a boyfriend who _loves me, by the way,_ that I need to get checked out, and hopefully I'll convince him not to press charges. Wouldn't that be fun, Chief?" I glared at my father and crossed my arms over my chest.

Charlie looked… sad. I don't know what he really had to be sad about, I mean sure, no father really wants their daughter to be as… different… as I was, and I'm sure none of them wanted their daughters to be happily un-married while expecting a child. But didn't all fathers ultimately want their kids to me happy? I thought that was one of those parent things, right up there with counting fingers and toes when the kids are born.

"Ugh!" I pulled at my hair in frustration. "This is so stupid! Alice, I'll see you and Jas back at the hotel at some point. Dad, Sue, I'll see you both at the Cullen's house on Thursday." I nodded at everyone and ran to Edward's car where he was waiting patiently.

I started to kick the tire of his stupid fancy black car out of anger at this whole damn situation but stopped myself. "See EJ, this is why I like Wanda. She's already banged up and shit, it doesn't matter if I want to take my frustrations out on her!"

We got into the car and Edward was unusually quiet. Even for someone who had just been knocked the fuck out.

"Edward, you better say something, cause it's weird in here."

"Isoldyourcar."

"YOU WHAT?!" I pulled off the road and slammed on the breaks.

"Um… that's why we brought it up on the ferry. I made arrangements yesterday while you were at yoga. Bella, you can't honestly believe you could keep that thing with a baby, do you? Besides, Rosalie's brother needed a car so he could make deliveries for Emmett, so I took care of the title and all that and he probably just picked it up from the house." I instantly regretted ever putting his name on the damn title.

It was something we did as a precaution, should anything ever happen to me. A way to secure that he would get the car, not that he wanted it. But it was really the only thing of value I had, other than the house which was in both of our names as well. Since we had decided on not getting married years ago, we made arrangements to make sure we were taken care of in case something happened to one of us.

"Edward, you can't," I sighed and pressed my forehead against the steering wheel, "you can't just _do_ stuff like that. What am I supposed to do about a car? I don't even have a job right now to be able to get a new car!"

"I've fucking told you before that I'd take care of getting you a new one." I snorted. "What?"

"I don't want a stupid trust fund car. I want a car with integrity and character."

"You need to get over this aversion to trust funds. And fast. Like sometime probably within the next six fucking months." I looked over and Edward had one hand holding a napkin to the bleeding side of his face and the other was in a fist. I could see his forearm tendons moving, which meant he was trying desperately to get his thumb to pop in his fist.

"_Why?_" I sneered.

"Because I can guarantee you our kid will have one. Set up by my parents and myself."

"Fuck fuck fuck!" I sighed. "Let's get you checked out and we'll talk about this… later. Much later. Like when I'm not all strung out. My father hits my boyfriend, I find out I have no car, and my boyfriend drops the trust fund bomb on me all on one night. It's a bit much to take." I put my blinker on and eased back out onto the road.

When we got to the hospital, I filled out Edward's forms and he was seen almost right away. I was sitting on an uncomfortable plastic chair wringing his shirt in my hands when the doctor finally got his happy ass in there.

The short, tan and dark haired doctor was reading Edward's chart as he came in. He pushed his glasses up his nose as he flipped it closed. "Edward Cullen? You're Carlisle Cullen's youngest?"

"Yes."

"Good, good. He's a great colleague." He stuck his hand out for Edward to shake. "I'm Dr. Juarez, but you can call me Eleazar. So Edward, what happened tonight?"

Edward began to recap the evening as Eleazar washed his hands and put a pair of gloves on. He had Edward tilt his head back and began examining the cuts. He pressed on a few spots on his head and made a few humming sounds, occasionally asking if certain spots hurt. He checked Edward's eyes with a little flash light and moved his fingers around, telling him to look at them.

"Well Edward, it looks like you have a slight concussion. I also need to go ahead and stitch up the cut on your cheek bone. The other one will do fine with a butterfly bandage. I'm going to send you for an x-ray and a CT scan as a precaution though, okay?" Edward nodded. "I'm going to have a nurse come get you in a few moments to take you for the scan and x-ray. Go ahead and change into this," he tossed him a hospital gown, "make sure to take out your jewelry. You can leave your underwear on. As soon as you're done with those tests, I'll be in to stitch you up and discharge you."

Eleazar swiftly walked out the door and closed it quietly. "Lay down." I said. I walked over and started taking his brow rings out. "I don't have any pliers with me, do you think they'll have to cut all these," I fingered the captive bead hoops going all the way up the shells of his ears, "out? That's gonna be a pain in the ass to replace them all."

Edward unscrewed the circular barbell in his septum. "I'm not sure. I think I can let the nurse know that they don't come out."

"Open." I said. He opened his mouth and I took out the cheek piercings on either side of his face. Edward changed into the gown, and it was hard not to jump him when he was standing there for a few minutes in nothing but his black boxer briefs.

About ten minutes later the nurse came in, a tiny fake blond bimbo of a girl, probably fresh out of nursing school.

"Hi! I'm Nurse Mallory. I'm supposed to take you for your x-ray and CT scan."

Edward smirked. "Nurse Mallory?"

"Mm hmm?"

"See, I've got these earrings, and I can't take them out. Do you think it'll be a problem?" I could tell that Edward was laying it on thick, and it was hard not to laugh at this dumb nurse's reactions to him.

Nurse Mallory must've gotten some confidence from Edward's fake flirting, because I saw her try to push her tits up to her God damn eye balls and bat her eye lashes. She actually tossed her fucking hair, and said "Oh no sir, I don't think that'd be an issue _at all._ By the way, you can totally call me Lauren." _What a whore._

"Thanks Lauren." Edward said with a wink. Lauren didn't notice, but that wink was directed at me. Maybe I should've been jealous, but really it was just funny.

About two hours later, I was bored out of my fucking _mind_ and had drawn I dunno _how_ many different little sketches on the paper on the patient's table, Edward finally came back into the damn room.

Lauren was shamelessly flirting with him, and had actually written her number on his damn hand, _right in front of me._ The funny part was, Edward decided he had gotten what he wanted and didn't have to have the earrings cut out, so he turned off the charm. Fast.

"Hey baby?" He asked me. I looked up and smiled. "Do you think you can get me a wet paper towel or something to get this shit off my hand?" I nodded and Lauren's eyes got bigger than fucking UFO's. I wet a paper towel from the little counter in the room and handed it to him. He looked over at Lauren as he was wiping the ink off his skin and winked at her. "Thanks. 'Preciate your help with the earrings." He turned away from her and kissed my forehead.

Nurse Mallory snorted and said something about 'hot guys always being taken by ugly sluts' and left. True to his word, Eleazar came in not even ten minutes after Nurse Slutty-Pants left.

He was laughing as he put the x-ray film on the light board. "So you got to keep those earrings in huh? Nurse Mallory is a bit of a sucker for a guy with the slightest bit of charm. I bet you didn't even have to put it on too thick, did you?" He chuckled out as Edward and I put the proper rings into the piercings.

Eleazar said the x-ray looked fine, but he was still sure of the concussion. He stitched Edward up, gave him some after care instructions and a prescription for some pain pills with instructions not to take them for twenty-four hours just incase the concussion was worse than he originally thought.

When we got into the car, Edward rested his head against the head rest and sighed deeply. "We should go to my parents' place. Before this shit," he pointed to his face "gets to them by word of people-who-can't-keep-their-God-damned-mouths-shut." I laughed a little and started the car.

When we got to The Huge Ass Cullen Mansion, as I so affectionately called it, Carlisle was standing on the porch smoking his evening pipe. I took a deep breath and opened the car door, EJ did the same.

"Hi kids! I'd ask how your evening has gone, but I can see that the answer wouldn't be 'good'. Who stitched you up son?"

"Um…" I sighed. Edward was _horrible_ at remembering names.

"Dr. Eleazar Juarez. He said you were a colleague and spoke highly of you." I answered for Edward.

Carlisle nodded as he tapped his pipe on the side of the small ash tray he kept on the porch railing. By the time he had emptied the pipe, we were on the steps. He pulled Edward into a tight hug before pushing him back a little and examining his wounds. He patted Edward's shoulder and then moved over to me, bringing me into a tight hug as well.

"I haven't said a word, but it's been hard." He whispered. I sort of laughed and hugged him back. He spoke louder, "Let's go inside. Would you like some coffee?" Edward nodded and we went into the house.

Or maybe estate would be more fitting? This place was fucking huge. It even had a big round foyer when you first walked in. There were stairs on the left and the right that curved perfectly with the round room and right in the middle of the white marble floor was the Cullen Crest in a black marble. A small but thick round, antique, claw foot wood table stood above it displaying a crystal vase with varying shades of wild flowers in it. _Fucking wild flowers. Don't rich people like roses or something?_ There were wrought iron wall sconces every few feet and a large wrought iron chandelier hung low from the middle of the ceiling, but not low enough that Edward or Emmett would hit their heads on it.

This room always seemed to be the most mis-matched. All of the rooms in this house, including Edward and Emmett's bedrooms, were perfect. This room didn't seem right. The wrought iron pieces and stocky wood table seemed to fit more into a room with dark colored walls and rich tapestries. This room was white and grey with a big black emblem in the middle of the floor. It made no sense considering that the woman who decorated this house was a fucking master.

As soon as we passed the right arch leading into the living room, kitchen and dining room, we were greeted by Esme.

Esme was the beauty in the Cullen family. She's where Edward and Emmett got their piercing green eyes, and where Edward got that mop of copper that sat on his head. Emmett got his dimples from her, but the rest of them was all Carlisle.

Carlisle was a very tall, very lean blond man with grayish blue eyes that resembled my sister's. He didn't look a day over forty, and neither did Esme for that matter. I guess money like theirs could buy you whatever type of cream you wanted. I knew for a fact neither of them frequented plastic surgeons or those freakish spas where you could get Botox by the gallon. _Must be those damn amazing genes of theirs. Lucky bastards. _

He had fair skin, much like his wife, and an imperfect nose that made him all the more fuckable, which Edward just so happened to inherit.

"There's my baby!" She said with a sigh. It was clear that she felt she didn't see her kids enough. She wrapped him up in a strong hug and patted his cheek gently. "I'll get you an ice pack for that and some Tylenol. Why don't you and Bella go sit down in the den." She winked at me as she walked into the kitchen.

Once everyone was settled in the den, a small cozy room that you stepped down into with no TV, and instead a monster of a couch that lined the three walls that didn't have the door; Esme started to ask how Edward had gotten beat up.

"I mean, I understand that we all handle our tempers differently, but Bella, honey, you can't keep hitting people like this." I bit my lip to stifle a laugh.

"Mom, it wasn't Bella. It was her dad." Edward took the ice pack from his face and set it on the enormous coffee table before leaning forward and putting his forearms on his knees. He gripped his hands together and looked at me, and then his dad. I was all nerves knowing what was coming, and his dad was all smiles.

"See, we've got some… news, and Chief Swan didn't take it so well."

"No news is that bad honey." Esme said as she shook her head. "Go on." She took a sip of her tea and I stared at my coffee cup, knowing in a few moments she'd understand why I hadn't taken so much as a sip. _And I fucking love coffee. _

"Well see, we just found this out, but um…. Aw fuck." He rubbed his hands over his face before cracking his thumbs. "Mom, Bella's pregnant. I get a kid for my thirtieth birthday."

I gripped the seat cushion waiting on her reaction. I had known that when Emmett announced that he had gotten Kate, a straight up bitch of a woman if you ask me, pregnant, the news wasn't well received. Of course, Emmett was also a senior in high school at the time.

"Oh my… God!" Esme squealed and jumped up, clapping her hands over her mouth. "I mean, this is so great! Oh my! I get to be a grandma again! Carlisle, did you hear that!? A new baby in the family!" Esme ran straight over to me and hugged me. "Oh Bella honey, I know your mother can't be here to help you with the things that a mother would, but if you need anything at all, I would be honored to step in." She smoothed my hair and I started to fucking _cry_ 'cause pregnancy hormones are a fucking nasty ass bitch.

"Thank you Esme, that um… that means a lot." I saw Carlisle hugging Edward from the corner of my eye and was relieved that at least _this_ family wasn't going to treat us like shit.

"I just knew it was going to be this. I tried so hard to hide it, but I just knew. A mother knows these things. Your skin is just radiant, so I knew that was it." She nodded her head. "And then when you didn't touch your coffee. Oh yes, I knew. Aw! My baby is having a baby!" She jumped up and hugged her son.

Carlisle walked over to me where I was watching Esme beam smiles at her son. I wished that was how it was when we had told Daddy, and I knew it wasn't going to be that way when I called Renee. _Ugh, the one call I hoped to never have to make._

He cleared his throat and I looked up at him. He had his hands in his pockets and looked a bit nervous. "Bella, dear, would you join me in my office for a moment?"

I looked over at Edward, and he nodded at me. I followed Carlisle through the foyer and into the other archway, we passed another step down living room that had been turned into a music room for Edward and Emmett, and ended up in Carlisle's massive study. That place has more books than a God damned college library.

He walked behind his desk and motioned for me to take a seat in one of the guest chairs. "Take a seat, please." I sat in the plush green chair and fidgeted with my fingers, because _really,_ what the fuck else do you do in your pseudo-father-in-law's home office?

He sifted through the top left drawer of his giant ass oak desk and produced a large manila envelope.

"I know that you got laid off a few months ago," _if this fucker offers me money, I'm out, _"and I know how expensive pre-natal care is." _Fuck! This _is_ money. Damn it all to hell! How can I let him down easy?_ "I understand that you had a good visit at the FABEN group on Sunday?" I nodded my head, still thinking of ways to turn down the money he was about to offer me. "Good, that's good. I got the impression from Edward that you wouldn't mind continuing your care there, for the pregnancy at the very least?" I nodded again, _where the fuck is this going?_ "Wonderful. I hope you don't mind, and please understand I only want what's best for you and my unborn grandchild, so I've gone ahead and _taken care _of your care there."

I felt my jaw go slack. How the fuck was I supposed to give the money back? I could take care of this, I wasn't sure how, but I had already thought of ways to make some money to handle the pregnancy expenses. I heard one of those chop-shop Hair Cuttery places was hiring and while the hours would suck ass, it would at least pay for the doctor's visits.

"I…I…I" I was shaking my head.

"Edward told me you might be a bit… _difficult_, but please understand Bella, pre-natal care is not something to take lightly. You have the opportunity to have the best care in Washington, and I want you to take it. The office manager is also aware that if anything other than the typical care is needed, they are to bill me directly, so don't think you can try to persuade them otherwise."

_Fucking A! _This night had gone FAR worse than I had imagined it fucking could have. _I need a stiff drink. Bad. Sea Monkey, you wouldn't mind a little Jack and Coke, right? Fine, forget it. I'll just have some damn tea instead. Pregnancy _sucks.

* * *

**True story: The Hubs is FINALLY working on the naked stairs in my house, and finishing the half wall that's been painted on only one side for over a year now. YAY ME! I'm SO soci of bare wood on the stairs. And not pretty hard wood... literally just the bare wood of the stairs. And they've been that way for a damn year. So finally, I bitched enough and he painted the half wall that clocks the stairs from the living room today. You know what else he did? He plopped paint on my hand while I was working. I was pissed at first, but then noticed that the paint is in the shape of an "E" and I took it as a sign that Edward needed some lovin... so... my happy ass is gonna pop "Twilight" in the DVD player tonight and hope it prompts naughty EJ filled dreams. If I wake up moaning EJ's name and The Hubs gets mad... he can only blame himself. **

**Ok, so this chap had a lot of really random shit spewing from EJ's mouth. But you gotta understand where the hell his head was... SMASHED AGAINST A BRICK PILLAR! He was sort of out of it, so I don't wanna hear any of this "It didn't make sense" stuff, got it? Good, I'm glad we're on the same page ;-) I'm not going to go back and re-do this entire chap from EPOV... I hate that more than fire ants. But, I will address it... sort of... in the next chap. **


	7. REALLY REALLY REALLY important!

**LOVELY READERS!**** Some of you may be aware that there's a group out called Literate Union that's reporting any fics with "explicit" scenes (aka smut) and having those stories taken down. I'm not entirely sure if my two little stories qualify to **_**them**_** *snear/snort* but just to be safe, I'm going to be moving my stuff over to ****www (dot) twcslibrary (dot) com****.**** My penname is still the same there, and it has pretty much all the same features as FFN does, only they have ratings that go up to NC-17. You can do author alerts and such just like you can on FFN. I know that a lot of authors are going to different sites because of this "Literate Union" group *scoff*. **

**I know I don't have an abundance of readers, but I started up a facebook page just for you guys to have more contact with me. The name is Dani Writes, just like my penname but with a space, and the pic is one of Robert Pattinson as Daniel Gale (UNGH even as a nerd he gets me all hot and bothered... hence WYLEI!) I hope to see you there!!!!!!**

**There is also a group on face book called "Illiterate Unicorns" that was started as a way to keep up with where all the stories are going once "Literate Union" accomplishes it's dumb as fuck mission and gets all the good stories removed. The group isn't for bashing, it's for giving everyone info as to where their favorite stories have gone. **


	8. And she was mad A lot

**Alright Lovely Readers. I've FINALLY got chapter 7 here! This bitch took forever to wright! **

**Gotta be honest, it's most filler. I really wanted to get to Thanksgiving but I knew that after the shit that had transpired, there was no way I could just IGNORE the day before Thanksgiving. Clearly some shit had to happen! So here it is. It's not ALL filler. There's some really important stuff.... but you know... whatever. **

**Also, EJ and Snow White SUCK at communication. I keep getting people asking questions like "This doesn't make sense" or whatever. But it does... You just have to remember that these people don't communicate for shit. Their relationship is completely flawed. And they're working on it, that's the whole point. Just enjoy the ride folks! **

**Big fat THANK YOUS to Krisstar for her amazing beta skills and making sure I don't use shit that's over done and played out when I don't mean to. I HEART YOU HARD! **

**Also, big fat CONGRATS are in order as well, Krisstar just found out that she's expecting her second baby and that is FUCKAWESOME news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Belly pats and hugs your way, lady! **

**Another big fat THANK YOU to Daniellelucille (you know I always spell that shit wrong, so don't even go there) and her eagerness to pre-read and not give up on my stories even though I suck at updating in a timely manner. **

**ALSO big fat THANKYOUS to all of my Lovely Readers who have stuck around even though life's got me pulled in a million directions and I haven't been able to update my shit like I want to. I promise, stuff is slowing down now and I'll be back on track in no time! **

**And lastly, thanks for reading this FUCKLONG Author's Note. You people rock more than you know! (Twilight and it's respective characters are the sole intellectual property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended. Everything else is the sole intellectual property of Dani Writes and cannot be duplicated without written consent, which I do not give at this time.)**

_Trouble  
Been doggin' my soul since the day I was born  
Worry  
Just will now seem to leave my mind alone  
Well I've been save by a woman  
I've been saved by a woman  
I've been saved by a woman  
She won't let me go  
She won't let me go now  
She won't let me go  
She won't let me go now  
*** Trouble - Ray LaMontagne***_

7. AND SHE WAS MAD AT ME. A LOT. – Epov

The drive back to the hotel was… difficult… to say the least. Bella was fucking pissed about everything that had gone on. Sure, I probably should've waited to tell her I sold her piece of shit car, but I had just been hit _really fucking hard_ and I don't know why, but I just _had_ to tell her right then.

I knew it wouldn't go over well. I knew she'd be pissed as hell, that's why I had Newton pick it up when we were gone. She couldn't beat the kid's ass if she wasn't there.

I also knew that my dad was planning on telling her that he had paid for her medical shit for the whole pregnancy. She was _not_ going to like that, and I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen.

"I want the best for my grandchild, Edward. Surely she can understand that." He'd told me over the phone.

I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "Sure, but if she growls, you need to duck, _fast._" He just laughed like he thought she wouldn't hit him. I couldn't wait to get off the ferry and see if she would.

When we parked the car, Bella didn't say anything at all. She just got out, and stormed into the hotel and elevator. She didn't even wait for me. _I am _so_ not getting laid tonight. Fuck. _I decided to stop in the bar for a beer. It was late, or early, whatever, but I really had no idea what time it actually was. I was pretty annoyed when the bar was closed.

I hung my head and took the four flights of stairs up to our room. When I got in, Bella was curled in a ball on the bed wearing one of my hoodies and some ratty old panties that she insisted she could not get rid of. The damn things had ripped seams and holes, but she wore them anyways. I heard her sniffle and climbed into bed behind her. I wrapped my arms around her, and she didn't pull away, a good sign.

She sniffled and snorted and she was lucky I fucking love her cause that shit was nasty as hell, especially combined with those fucking panties. _Ugh._

Finally she said "I want a Jeep Compass." And I laughed.

"You can have whatever you want, Snow White."

"I want it fully loaded, and I want it that weird, shit green color. I like that color." She rolled over and wiped her nose on the sleeve of my hoodie. "I'm still pissed at you, though. You threw me to the fucking money dogs with the car and your dad."

"I know. I'm sorry Snow White. Maybe I did it all fucking wrong."

She scoffed "Ya think?"

"I'm sorry. Do you want to go look at Jeeps tomorrow?"

"Um… okay." She chewed her lip and looked like she was trying to word something. "I want my dad to go with us."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't be like that! What if this baby is a girl, and she comes to us one day and says her boyfriend knocked her up, what are you gonna do then?"

I hadn't thought of it that way, and I guess I could sort of see her point, even thought I really didn't fucking want to. I closed my eyes hard and opened them again to see her staring at me. Her dark brown eyes were surrounded by red, puffy skin and I wanted to do anything to make her stop crying.

Before I could say anything, she started rambling. "Look, I'm not saying what he did was right, cause it really fucking wasn't but I was thinking that I can't really have animosity with him now. Not with a kid on the way, and it's just gonna…"

I cut her off "Alright, fine. But I'm not going to talk to him."

"Really? Thank you so much!" She rolled to me and hugged my waist and we both went to sleep that way.

Car shopping the next day sucked ass. Royally. We looked at the shit green Compass like Bella wanted to, but that car was just so fucking small. It was definitely bigger than her Honda, and it had four doors which was a bonus, but I was hoping she'd opt for something with more trunk space.

"Hey Snow White, come look at this." I got a few unwelcome stares in the show room of the dealership, and just rolled my eyes. _Fuckers._ Bella came over and gave a couple the finger who were blatantly staring at us, and not in a good way.

"I fucking hate being stared at like that." She grumbled.

"Well then, maybe you should take some of that metal out of your face. Both of you." Chief Swan piped up.

"Not likely Daddy. What are we lookin' at EJ?"

"This is the Patriot. It's a lot like the Compass, but bigger."

She groaned. "I don't _want_ bigger!"

"Snow, I'm not asking you to drive an Escalade here. I just think that with a kid, you're gonna want more space than you think."

Chief Swan made a gruff sound and cleared his throat. "Baby Girl, I hate to admit this… but your boy there isn't wrong on this."

Bella almost screamed and she would have had I not put my hand over her fucking mouth. Then she growled and punched me in the gut. "You said I could have whatever I wanted!"

She stormed out of the dealership and sat in the backseat of my M3 coupe, and I found myself wishing she'd let me take her to the BMW dealership.

I cracked my thumbs and tugged at my hair. "Guess she's not getting a car today, huh Chief?"

The car ride back to the hotel was, once again, fucking _difficult._ I had expected she insist to drive, because that's what she always fucking does. I learned early on in our relationship to just hand over the keys. It wasn't worth the "You need to turn there" or "Slow the fuck down asshole" or "Ugh. We're gonna be so fucking late because you won't take the back roads" comments I usually got when I was driving.

She wasn't a control freak by any means, but when it came to driving, she was a fucking Nazi.

Half way back to the hotel her phone beeped. She checked the text message and fucking _screamed._

"What the hell, Snow!?" I jerked the car to the side of the road to make sure she was ok and turned to look in the small backseat. She was smiling from ear to fucking ear. "What?!" I was short and irritated. I thought she had died or some shit.

"Emmett proposed to Rosalie!" She was still smiling huge and I felt my jaw hit the bottom of the car. My brother and I talked about everything big in our lives. I knew I was going to lean on him greatly through the span of Bella's pregnancy, and possibly even more once the kid was born, so I was fairly surprised that I hadn't known about this happening before hand.

"Jesus Snow, you didn't have to scream."

"Well excuse me for being excited." She crossed her arms and cocked an eye brow at me.

I groaned. "I can't fucking win!" I slammed my head against the steering wheel and winced from the pain it caused in my already bruised face. I heard a little sniffle and turned around. "Oh God. Snow, don't cry. I didn't… don't cry, _please _don't cry."

She sniffled a few more times before she said "I can't help it." and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her hoodie.

When we got back to the hotel, Bella ran straight to Rose and Emmett's room. She started pounding on the door yelling "I don't care if you're fucking right now, I want to see the damn ring!" When no one answered she banged again. "Don't make me beat this door down, fuckers!"

Finally Rose answered the door wrapped in a bed sheet and thrust her hand out the door. "Here bitch." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

Bella grabbed her hand to inspect the ring and started jumping up and down. "Oh my God I'm so excited for ya'll!" She jumped up and wrapped her arms around Rosalie's neck and I heard her sniffle again.

"Jesus, why are you crying, Bella?" She asked.

"Ugh! I can't fucking _help it_! Everything makes me cry." Before she could wipe her snot on her hoodie again, I handed her the napkin I had stashed in my pocket from the car.

I couldn't help but be a little bothered by the fact that here she was, so thrilled for Rosalie and Emmett, but she wouldn't marry me. And then I got pissed. And _then_ I got pissed because I _was_ pissed. I didn't think I really cared about marriage. It wasn't my number one priority, and here I was, mad as hell that my girl wouldn't marry me.

Emmett yelled from the room "Rosie, get your hot ass back here, I'm getting fucking soft!" Rose and Bella giggled before we made our way back to our room.

Bella sighed as I shut the door and jumped on to the bed. She laid on her back and sprawled her arms and legs out as wide as she could. "How cool is that? You brother and Rosalie getting married." She sighed again and shut her eyes.

I walked over to the mini fridge and pulled out a tiny bottle of Grey Goose. I inspected it for a few seconds before opening it and downing it in two gulps. I leaned against the wall and stared at Bella, completely fucking unsure of how to bring up what I was thinking. She'd made it plenty clear that she didn't want me to bring up the marriage thing again, but I was really fucking hurting here. _You, Edward, are officially a girl._ I never knew how much I wanted to get married until I found out that Bella was having my kid. _My kid._

I felt my eyes widen at the thought and slowly, I slid down to a sitting position with my back against the wall. I stared at Bella, not blinking or breathing and let the thought continue to bounce around in my head. _My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. _Some where in the back of my brain I heard the "Knocked Up" remix that Bella loved so much and felt like if this shit were all a movie, that's the song that would be playing while a camera spun around me.

I reached up and opened the mini fridge, grabbing another bottle of booze without even looking at the fucking label. I opened it, still staring at Bella, and downed it in one fast shot. I was pretty sure she was asleep already, for which I was happy. I didn't want her to see me freaking the fuck out. I started to rub my face with my hands, but stopped when I felt the fucking stitches and the pain from rubbing over a bruise.

I glanced up at her and my eyes zoned in on her stomach. She had raised her arms over her head and her shirt had come up exposing her middle. I didn't think my eyes could get any fucking bigger, but they did. I'd seen Bella lay on her back many times, her stomach always caved in. It was sort of creepy, actually. But this time, there was a tiny bit of her stomach, down near her pelvis, that didn't cave. It wasn't very big at all, but it was definitely there.

I wanted to go touch the small bulge. There was no way anyone would have ever noticed it but me, her and maybe Wonderland, but that was enough. I crawled over to the bed and sat back down, staring intently at what looked like a grapefruit taking up space in her abdomen. If she woke up and saw me, she'd probably think I was mother fucking crazy. _And maybe I fucking was._

I leaned over and kissed her cheek, not as a sweet gesture, but to gauge how asleep she was. I really didn't want her to wake up, not yet. When she didn't wake up, I cupped her face in my hand. She still didn't wake up, _thank fucking God_.

Very slowly, painfully fucking slowly with my eyes still on her face, I reached my hand down to the bulge. I let my hand hover, fucking _scared_ of what I would feel, before finally turning my head. I lifted her shirt up more, to where her whole torso was uncovered. It almost looked like one of those creepy almost dead _things_ you see in haunted houses. Where it's sort of like a skeleton but with skin stretched over it… yeah that's about what her stomach looked like, except for where the grapefruit was. _Gross. Clearly I don't feed her enough. _

I took a deep breath and lowered my hand to the bump. I stared, unblinking, for what felt like fucking _forever_ before I let out the breath. I glanced back at her face and she looked like she was having a really good dream. I decided to move my hand a bit, sort of feel the weird little grapefruit. I wasn't sure if I should feel punches or anything yet, and when I didn't I was grateful. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that shit.

I rubbed the grapefruit that housed Sea Monkey with a few short, soft strokes. Eventually, my fucking curiosity got the best of me and I added a little bit more pressure. I felt my eyes go even _bigger_ at the firmness of the grapefruit. _Maybe it's a small bowling ball instead._ I laid my head down on the bed sideways and watched the bump as I trailed my finger tips softly along Bella's skin.

I'm not entirely sure how long I sat there watching and rubbing, but I stopped when I sensed I was being watched. _Shit._ I stopped my movements and waited to see if the feeling went away. It didn't. In another achingly slow movement, I turned my head to Bella, and sure enough she was watching me.

"Hi." She whispered.

I stared at her intently, trying to see if her face had changed any. Her body clearly already was, and I don't know what sort of changes I expected to see in her face, but the only thing I saw was love. _I'm such a fucking cheese-dick patsy!_

Her eyes moved past my face to the grapefruit and she pushed herself up on her elbows. "Holy shit," she whispered. She laid back down and looked up at the ceiling before she closed her eyes again. I saw her left hand twitch and then move to the grapefruit slash bowling ball. "Oh!" She gasped before her eyes popped open and she stared directly into mine.

"It's hard. Really fucking weird, huh?" I was quiet, thinking I might scare her if I spoke too loudly. She nodded her head. I looked back down to her stomach and saw her stroke the small mound.

"Edward," she whispered, I turned to look at her face and eyes, "that's where our baby is." Two fat tears came rolling down her cheeks and I smiled a little. I could handle _these_ tears.

I moved up and kissed all over her Goddamn beautiful face before I kissed her lips. She fisted the front of my shirt and I held her head tight in my hands. I wasn't letting go for anything.

I'm pretty sure that it was one of those moments where if life were a movie, the couple would fuck in a hot and passionate way. But let's be real here: my girl was fucking pregnant, had cried like ten Goddamn times that day, and was exhausted. So instead, I helped her out of her clothes, and into a pair of my boxer briefs and a wife beater. I took off my clothes, except for my underwear and we curled up under the covers to go to sleep. We slept all fucking night long each with a hand on the grapefruit.

**The remix Edward refers to is by Lykke Li and Kings Of Leon. It's great. You can check it out on Youtube. Rosalie's ring is on my profile.**

**Twitter: DaniVandal**

**Facebook: Dani Writes**


	9. Thanksgiving Day pt 1

**Hai Lovely Readers! Long time no hear from me, huh? I'M SORRY! I really am. I hit a really nasty writers block with this story and I just kept getting SO frustrated. I knew what I wanted to happen but I just couldn't seem to get it actually written out or the details flushed out. I know I'm awful for leaving all of you hanging like that and I hope I haven't lost any of my wonderful, amazing, BEEEE-YYYEEWWWW-TEEEEE-FUL readers... If it's any consolation, I've already got quite a bit of the next chapter written, and this one's extra long. I feel like I've gotten my mojo back though, so I'm going to TRY and update every week.**

**I'm going to warn you all now, there's a LOT of back and side story in this chapter. I had planned on drawing some of these details out into futher chapters, but I realized that in doing that, I was giving myself writers block. I figured that once I got a lot of this out, I'd be able to move forward at a better pace. It seems to have been the trick. Once I made that decision, everything just sort of flew out of me and I had this entire chapter, minus the first couple of paragraphs that I already had written, done in 2 days. **

**And I promise after I say this, I'll quit this long ass A/N. I owe a big fat THANK YOU to mah h00rs. Mandy Pants; Twinky; Burfy; M3; APM; Alice; Allie; Jen; Black Hale; Leanne; Leelan; and anyone else who has been pimping out my story even though I haven't updated in so long. I love you all HARD and send out a years worth of bewbie squeezes and booty rubs. Minna Koda, YES, I stole your name for a character. Believe it or not, this particular character did not have a name until this chapter and that's part of what took it so long. I decided on the name while helping my AMAZING beta - Krisstar - help find a name for her BABY GIRL who's due in October, and after I started writing about the character, I realized it was your name too. Enjoy it. I've turned you into a 13 year old girl with very large bewbies in her future. **

**Links to the outfits and the um... big present... will be on my profile uno momento...**

**Check out the short a/n at the end for a little Q and A and some rec's, 'kay? **

_Holding onto patience wearing thin  
I can't force these eyes to see the end  
If only time flew like a dove  
We could watch it fly and just keep looking up_

"_Hallelujah" - Paramore_

8. THANKSGIVING Bpov

Thanksgiving Day could've gone one of two ways. It could've been incredible, or it could've been horrid. Either way, there was going to be some form of weirdness once we told everyone the news, I was just hoping that the other parts of the day would be good.

It started out on the incredible side. I woke up with EJ's hand over the tiny bump I was now sporting, although no one could see it but me (or so I thought) and just knew it was going to be a great day. I had packed the outfit for the day with purpose, knowing that it was EJ's favorite and also knowing that it had been way too long since I'd worn it. I only hoped that the damn thing would still fit with the bump.

After I got in the shower, Edward got in and I got dressed. I threw on the jeans, hoping they wouldn't be too tight and was thankful when they were perfect. I put on the white t shirt and then the red strapless corset top over it. Bending over to the mirror I carefully took out the plain black plugs that were in my ears and put in the organic, wooden pair with the cherries lacquered on. My shoes were platform heels with three mary-jane style straps and I just knew Esme was going to give me hell for wearing heels. Whatever, I was barely into my fucking pregnancy. I stared at the mirror while putting on my necklace and was happy when I saw that the green tone of my skin had dissipated. I was now sporting the soft pale that I was accustomed too. I decided to let my hair air dry with a little product in it to keep it from frizzing out, put on a little make up, and sat on the bed to wait for Edward.

My mind had wandered somewhere around baby cribs when he finally walked out of the bathroom and my God, that man just gets fucking hotter and hotter every day. Maybe it was the hormones, but I wanted to jump his bones right that second. I gaped at his stomach and waist for a few minutes before I looked up to his face and noticed he was gaping at me as well.

"Damn it Snow, you can't wear that!" I was stunned.

"What? Why the fuck not?"

"Because you just… can't!" The need to jump his bones was turning quickly into the need to beat his ass.

"Listen here fucker, you can't tell me what I can and can't wear!" I stomped my foot like the petulant child I felt like and scowled.

EJ groaned and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms before mumbling something I couldn't understand.

"What?" I asked.

"I _said_: You can't wear that because you look like a naughty Snow White."

I laughed. "I wore it for _you_ douche bag. I knew you thought that, I wanted to wear something special for you. I'm getting fat already and I won't be able to wear stuff like this for much longer and…"

The smile that crept across his face made me stop my sentence. "Snow White, you're always going to be smokin' hot, you don't need to wear stuff like this for me to think so."

"I still want to wear it." I mumbled. Ultimately the fucker couldn't tell me what to wear, so I didn't change.

Edward dressed in a pair of black slacks, a white button up, and a black skinny tie. Naturally, he rolled his sleeves up. Emmett tended to do the same thing and they both claimed it was because they could never find shirts with long enough sleeves because they were so tall.

Not too much later I grabbed my leather jacket and we headed downstairs to meet everyone else. I wondered if Alice knew about Rosalie and Emmett getting engaged, which lead me to wondering if I'd ever be able to accept EJ's proposal attempts.

When we got to the lobby, Alice and Jasper were waiting for us. Alice had on a strapless pencil dress with designs on it that reminded me of a deck of cards, a pair of amazing red bootie heels that I swore I'd make her let me borrow, and a deep blue coat draped over her arms. Jasper… looked like a pimp. He had a red pin striped button up shirt, grey pants, and these red boot things straight out of the sixties.

I chanced a glance at Edward's face, knowing Jasper's choice of clothes usually made him cringe. This time, he just looked confused.

"Where are Rose and Emmett?" I asked. I thought for sure they'd be down before we were.

"They left a while ago, they wanted to go ahead and tell Esme and Carlisle the news about the engagement so they didn't spoil your big announcement." Alice answered me as she played with her necklace. _Wait… _my_ necklace._

"Nice necklace Alice. Where'd you get it?" I raised my eye brow and put my hands on my hips.

Alice rolled her eyes. "God, fine, can I borrow your watch necklace thingy?" I smiled and nodded as I put on my coat.

All too soon, we were at Edward's parents' house again. Everything was much scarier this time, knowing what we were about to announce. Carlisle's parents had died when Edward and Emmett were just kids, but Esme's parents were alive and well… and super Baptists. As in, her dad was a pastor and had been preaching at the same church for a little over forty years and her mom was the choir director. They were all kinds of devastated when Esme went to school in Chicago for design and started a family there, and more than elated when she brought her family back after selling her firm, preferring the small town life. Of course, by that point Emmett and Edward were about to finish high school and head to art school.

It was bad enough that every time we saw them we got the third degree about living in sin and that being marked up was a sure shot to hell. I never thought I'd have to add having a child out of wedlock to the mix.

When Emmett had gotten Kate pregnant, it was apparently okay because he had married Kate right away, even though he was eighteen and she was seventeen. It was no big wedding, they just ran to the courthouse, but that seemed to get Mr. and Mrs. Evans off his back. Imagine how floored they were when Kate took off with little Ainsley only three weeks after she was born… and then again when Emmett got divorce papers only two weeks later. It was a bad time for Emmett. He didn't love Kate; he only married her because of the pressure from his grandparents. I hated pressure. Emmet had given up on art school, but eventually was able to go to a small cullinary trade school and opened up his diner. He said he was completely happy with his decisions, saying that Ainsley helped him find his true calling in cooking.

The color must've drained out of my face or something because Edward seemed to know that I was panicking.

"It'll be alright Snow White. They'll give us shit, but we'll be okay. I promise." He pried the hand away that was clutched to the side of the seat and kissed my knuckles.

He let go of my hand just long enough to get out of the car and come around to open my door. The second he had it opened, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his torso, trying to hide in his jacket. I decided I would hide in there all afternoon and evening and then maybe no one would try to talk to me. Perfect plan.

Edward and I awkwardly walked up the path to the porch with Alice and Jasper following us. Just as he was about to knock, Emmett opened the door with a big stupid smile on his face wearing a nice button down shirt and a vest and tie. Clearly, Rosalie dressed him, but he hadn't forgone his boots. _These Cullen boys and their boots._

"Gran and Pop loved my news. How do you think they're gonna deal with yours, fucker?" Emmett said as he punched his brother's arm.

"You are such a Goddamn _dick_ sometimes." Edward grumbled.

Emmett made a face at him and started walking inside with us behind him before saying "Well, you've got a little while 'fore you have to tell them anyways. They just left a couple minutes before you drove up." Edward looked confused, and I'm sure I did too. "Gran and Mom made a shit ton of cookies last night for this like, halfway house or something for kids. It's at Lake Crescent but I guess Gran doesn't drive at night anymore so she's making Pop take her there today."

Naturally, Alice found some new _thing_ Esme had brought into the house that she just had to comment on. Alice didn't really know much about interior design and while she did know how to dress herself well and had a knack for fashion, she wasn't obsessive about it. However, she did know good taste when she saw it. She'd been here on a couple of occasions, and every time she had some new furnishing to compliment Esme on. We were walking into the kitchen and before I could even greet my boyfriend's mother, Alice was running up to her, yammering on about a new vase she had seen in the hall.

"I knew it! I knew it just _had_ to be Italian! It's just gorgeous Esme. You have such fantastic taste." I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, honey, why don't you come over here, I got some juice and an herbal tea that's supposed to be great for pregnant women."

I pried myself away from Edward, but not before rolling my eyes. Esme _would_ go out and buy pre-natal tea. I didn't even know they made that stuff. She already had a mug of it ready for me when I sat down on the barstool that was pulled up to the island.

"How are you feeling today, sweet heart?" She asked as she patted my hair.

She was motherly and warm, just like always. When I'd met her, it put me off a bit. I was raised around a woman who acted more like a best friend who took care of you at times than a mother.

"I'm good today. I finally slept all through the night last night and didn't get sick this morning. So… you know… so far so good." I shrugged and sipped the tea. It really was tasty.

"Good." She smiled and winked before opening the oven to baste the biggest fucking turkey I had seen in my entire life. I wasn't sure how she fit the bastard in the oven, to be honest.

It wasn't long before Emmett and Rosalie left to go pick up his daughter. I sort of wanted to go with them, seeing as how Kate didn't even know Emmett was seeing someone, much less planning on getting re-married. I had to admit though; Emmett did the whole dating thing perfectly. Of course he was the proud father and talked about her on their first date, showed the picture in his wallet and all that stuff; but he didn't introduce Rose to Ainsley until they had been together for around seven or eight months. Rosalie actually got pissy when she would ask to meet Ainsley only to be told by Emmett that he wasn't ready for that. I can't say I blame him for wanting to wait until he was positive that Rosalie was going to be a permanent staple in his life.

For the next twenty minutes, family and friends filtered into the Cullen Mansion in small groupings. The people I most feared still hadn't made their arrival, and I was thankful. Edward was talking to his cousin across the kitchen, near the door that lead to the garage and found myself watching him while I sipped my tea.

Watching his mannerisms while he talked got me thinking about our baby. I decided that I wanted a boy and that he just _had_ to have his daddy's smile and laugh. Just as I thought it, EJ must've felt that I'd been watching him. He turned to me and gave me a little half smile. It wasn't cocky, it wasn't sexual… it felt like he was telling me he loved me. I smiled back and decided that I wanted our son's eyes to crinkle at the corners when he smiled, another trait of his father's.

Another fifteen minutes passed. Alice was helping with the food, Jasper had joined Edward and his cousin in conversation, and I was still sitting on my stool. I had finished my tea and moved on to juice when my dad walked in.

Car shopping the day before had not gone well. I thought I could try to forgive the punch, or at least act like it hadn't happened for a few hours, but in reality; seeing him so close to EJ and EJ's face being so bruised had just pissed me off more. I wouldn't even look at the car Edward wanted to show me because my irritation level was just through the roof. I had tried, I really had, and I had completely believed what I had told Edward about wanting to have animosity, but thinking and doing are clearly two very different things.

Charlie cleared his throat and shifted the small wrapped box he held in his hand. "Bella, I uh… there's something outside… and um… could you come out there with me, please?"

EJ came to my side and rubbed my shoulder. I didn't have to tell my dad I wasn't going outside with him without Edward. I wasn't afraid of my dad or anything… I was actually afraid that _I_ would hit _him._

I stepped off my stool and grabbed EJ's hand, Charlie nodded his head and set the small box down before leading the way. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck before he started to talk at all, and kept looking at his feet.

"So um… I'm really sorry about what happened." He sighed deeply and finally looked up at me. "Really, really sorry. I was outta line. I hope that both of you can um…"

"Forgive you?" I asked when he seemed stuck on the words.

He nodded his head and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I was just so… Aw shit, I dunno. Baby Bell, I dunno what was wrong with me. I just know it was wrong, and I'm sorry to both of you."

His words, while a bit broken up, were sincere. I could see it in his face. I could also see that he'd wished he wouldn't have hit him at all. So I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his beer gut and nuzzled my nose into his shoulder.

"Thanks Dad." I whispered.

He patted my back and said I was welcome. I let go of him, and started walking towards the door before he stopped me.

"Um, that wasn't all. I sort of… got the baby a present. And sort of you too, I guess. Here follow me."

I looked to EJ and his face seemed just as confused as mine. What sort of present would my dad get the baby, and sort of me, that required walking around to the side of the house?

_Oh. _

"Surprise!" Sue yelled as she jumped up from leaning against a brand new, shit green Jeep Patriot complete with a big ass red bow on the fucking hood.

I just sat there, staring with my mouth hanging open. EJ went and shook Charlie's hand and thanked him a bunch of times and hugged Sue, thanking her as well. Then he stuck his head inside the open driver's side window and started looking around.

"Snow, I think this is the one from the dealership show room. The one I wanted you to look at." He yelled, his head still inside the vehicle.

I turned to my dad and his face was red with blush. He tried looking everywhere but at me. The trees to the right of us, the shingles on the roof of the Cullen Mansion, the invisible dirt under his finger nails. Everywhere but me.

"You… bought me a car?" I asked.

I was slightly angry, but more so completely shocked. My dad didn't do things like this. He was the king of gift certificates, especially when it came to my sister and me. I don't even think he knew our sizes after we turned twelve and could shop for ourselves.

"No. I bought _my grandbaby_ a car." He grinned at me like he'd just found a loophole in some contest and won a huge prize that he wasn't supposed to be eligible for.

I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Call a spade a spade; you bought _me_ a car, didn't you?"

"Nope. It's hers… or his… whatever. You're just the chauffer." His grin grew into a full smile at his little joke and the blush left his face.

I shook my head and couldn't help but smile. This was no trust fund vehicle. This was something someone earned. And maybe it wasn't me that earned it, but I could handle this much more than I could handle a trust fund car. But I also knew my dad didn't make much money, even as the chief of police.

"So Dad, can we work up some sort of arrangement? You know, like… I'll pay half of each payment or something until I can afford to pay you back all together?" I said as I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and drug him to the car with me.

"No, this is a gift. I told you, it's for the baby. It's um… it's your baby party present."

"Baby _shower_, honey." Sue corrected him when we got to the car.

"Whatever, it's for that. Just a bit early."

"But Dad… This is expensive."

"I'll say. This thing is fully loaded Snow, just like you wanted." EJ said as he grabbed my hand.

"No way Dad, a fully loaded car? How on earth can you afford this?" I narrowed my eyes. "Wait, you're not selling the weed you confiscate from the kids on the reservations are you?"

The three of them laughed before my dad answered me. "No Bell, I just… I came into some money a couple weeks ago, and this seemed like a good way to spend it."

After a long discussion that still seems unreal, I found myself in my new… er… my _baby's_ new car.

"Dad, this is amazing!" I squealed from the driver's seat.

The size of the small SUV didn't bother me like it had in the show room and I fell in love with it, even though I would surely miss Wanda.

"There's something else too." He said.

Edward leaned over the console "What else is your dad going to do to put me in the shit hole?" He whispered with a grin before kissing my cheek.

We got out of the car and followed my dad to the back of his old Suburban. He opened the trunk and inside - lying flat - were five large pieces of wood.

"Gee, thanks Dad… I always wanted a bunch of timber."

I swear I thought I heard my dad snort, but I had to be wrong… "It's not just wood Baby Bell. This was your crib."

My eyes went wide and I felt them fill with stupid pregnant tears. "You… still have my crib?" I whimpered between the tears.

"Of course. Alice's too, but I doubt she'll ever need it. Once you both got into… all that _stuff _ya'll are into, I didn't think you'd ever need them. I held on to 'em though. Kept hoping, and now you need yours. You'll have to paint over the head board 'cause it's got you're name painted on it, and it might need some new hardware, but… you're Grandpa Swan built it for you, so I thought you'd want to use it."

I just stood there crying in my boyfriend's parents' front yard. After a few seconds, I sat on the tailgate of the Suburban that I hated driving as a teenager and touched the old wood of my crib.

"Thank you, Chief Swan. I know it means a lot to Bella, and it means a lot to me too, that our baby gets to sleep in this crib." Edward held his hand out for Charlie to shake.

I started rubbing the simple wooden spindles that made up the sides of the crib.

"Sure, sure. Um…" Charlie made a gruff sound in his throat, "you should uh… probably start calling me Charlie now. What with my grandbaby coming along and all." And just like that, I was able to forgive and forget all about the punching incident.

Once Edward and my dad transferred all the crib parts from the Suburban to my new Jeep's trunk, we all went back inside. Sue handed the present he had sat down on the kitchen island to Esme.

"This is for you Esme, for your wonderful hospitality." She said warmly. "I'm sorry Leah couldn't make it, but this year she wanted to spend it with her father." She sounded a tiny bit sad that her seventeen year old daughter wouldn't be here with us today.

"Oh, thank you so much! You didn't have to do anything at all though!" _Ah, Esme. Always the perfect hostess._ I craved the day to hear her make a rude comment. "And you just make sure to take home some of the desserts for Leah, okay?"

Only moments later, Emmett, Rosalie and Ainsley walked in. "Uncle EJ!"

Ainsley ran to Edward and started telling him all about how her guitar lessons were going and even let it slip that she thought her teacher was 'totally cute' but that he couldn't tell her dad. She included the most perfect eye roll I'd ever seen. _I definitely _don't_ want a daughter._

I hadn't had a chance to really take in Rosalie before they had left, and naturally, she looked incredible. She had this whole pin-up girl look going and I could just imagine Gran's inner monologue when she took in the high-waisted faux leather, skin tight skirt; the strapless red and white polka-dot sweet-heart top; and the satin and lace four inch heels. Can't count out that spider ring, either. Her platinum hair was up in victory rolls at the top of her head and the back fell down in soft curls. It was a style that I had shown her how to do when we first met, _before_ I decided I didn't like the way she looked at EJ. _I'm such a jealous bitch sometimes._

Ainsley and Edward continued to talk about her lessons and what was going on with school. Seeing Edward interact with her was fucking cute, and I had to admit it. Then, as they were talking, she removed her black coat and I became horrified. Her outfit was, as usual, adorable; a little black, white and red plaid dress with buttons down the front over a pair of red leggings paired with some black patent leather ballet flats. What was so alarming though was what was _under_ that little dress.

"Rosalie," I whispered as I yanked on her elbow, "is it _normal_ for thirteen year old girls to have boobs already?"

I didn't have much to compare too, Alice and I had both always been petite and petite women did not have large racks. Rosalie was friggin _stacked_ so she had to know.

"Oh I know, Emmett almost made her change, that's what took so long. There's nothing wrong with the dress of course. But yeah, I was about that size at her age. I'd say a small B cup?" I pouted; my boobs were barely bigger than a thirteen year olds. "But he shouldn't really be surprised, I mean, look at Kate. That stuff _is_ genetic."

"Really? I thought hers were fake?" I hadn't known Emmett or Kate in high school and her tits were just so damn big that I thought for sure they were bought.

"Nope. Those babies are all natural. She had a lift a year or two after Ainsley was born, but she didn't have shit done to the size. Pretty fucking vain if you ask me, getting a titty lift like that. She didn't even breast feed, so it's not like the damage was all that horrible." I didn't want to listen anymore, knowing that my tits were, apparently, going to go to shit after the kid was born whether I decided to nurse or not.

Not to mention, I was sort of bothered by how much Rosalie knew about her fiancé's ex's tits. That was just wrong.

Once I reined in my surprise at Ainsley's new… additions… everything was going smoothly. Everyone was happy, and when I told Esme, Alice and Rosalie about the crib, they all ooh'd and aah'd over it and Esme even teared up.

"Do you know how perfect this is?" She said while lightly patting the tears from her eyes. I shook my head in the negative. "I still have Edward's bassinette. Well, I guess technically it's both his and Emmett's, but of course you can use it. Ainsley slept in it when ever she was here."

I almost started crying again… almost. This sort of thing was almost expected of Esme, so it wasn't quite as shocking as my father keeping my crib. But the gesture was still sweet and I knew we would use the bassinette.

The house was noisy with chatter and filled with cousins, aunts, and uncles. It took me a while, but I eventually spotted Carlisle looking handsome as ever in his green sweater and fancy brown shoes. I was just about to thank him for the pre-natal care he'd set up against my fucking will, and apologize for being so damn rude about it; when I heard the front door open.

I looked over to where Ainsley and Edward had been talking earlier, but he wasn't there. I scanned the room, desperate to find him. I knew who was walking in and I knew I couldn't face them without him by my side. I couldn't find him anywhere and started to panic a bit, until I felt him behind me.

He wrapped his arms around me and sat his chin on my shoulder before whispering "Don't worry. Nothing they say matters. It's just you, me and our Seamonkey, remember?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. The most they could do was say some really fucked up shit about how we just had to get married, or how Edward hadn't learned his lesson watching Emmett, or that God wasn't going to save us. And then a bunch of other religious garbage that I was sure couldn't be true.

"Well hello everyone." Gran said in her pristine voice.

Edward and I turned to see Pop removing Gran's coat revealing an off white dress. Esme walked up to hug her mother. "How was Lake Crescent?" she asked.

"Wonderful, of course. The children were delighted to have dessert." Gran pushed Esme back a bit by her shoulders to inspect her dress with a grim expression.

I thought she looked gorgeous in her soft teal wrap dress with the bronze belt and matching accessories. Esme just shook her off.

"I'm sure they were Mother." Esme turned to the rest of us and smiled hugely. "Ok, everyone, how about we make our plates and head into the dining room?"

Pop came over to Edward and me and hugged us each. He looked handsome as ever, and even in his old age you could see that once upon a time, he was just as gorgeous as his grandsons. His gray sweater and black slacks were simple, but so was he. It was his personality that made me nervous. You could never tell with Pop, he was either extremely accepting and offered great advice, or he was stern and pinch-faced.

We chatted for a bit while we waited for our turn in the food line that was going around the kitchen. When we got our food, we went into the large dining room that had been set up with two tables. Edward and I sat down near Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. I assumed the empty seat next to him was for Alice. I was hoping that my dad would come fill the empty seat next to me, but when Gran sat down I cringed.

"Bella, dear, I didn't see you earlier. How are you?" She said as she leaned into hug me.

Before I could get a word out, the smell of her overly floral and sweet perfume overcame my senses and that combined with my nerves made my stomach churn and my face turn green.

"Oh God." I groaned, before taking off to the bathroom.

I ran right past the one closest, not wanting anyone to hear me, but the only other place to throw up was the laundry room that was only a few feet past that. I figured it would be better than the bathroom and started hurling into the utility sink. It wasn't long before I felt EJ's hands on me, one holding my hair and one holding a cool, wet rag to my forehead.

And then we heard it.

"Well now that's just rude, she couldn't say excuse me first? She had to take the Lord's name _at the table_ before just running away? And you know, if a person is _sick_ then they don't need to contaminate everyone else at family functions. She should've just stayed home." Gran's voice was stern and cold.

"I think I'll just stay here for the night." I whispered to EJ.

He chuckled lightly. "Remember baby, it's just words. It'll be over soon, I promise. Will you be okay for a few minutes while I run get you a tooth brush?"

"Yeah, but I'm gonna lock the door… I'd rather not have any visitors right now."

I tried to sort of lay down, letting my face feel the cool tiles of the floor, not even caring that I didn't know when the last time Esme mopped in here because of the relief. Mere moments later, EJ showed up, brand new tooth brush and tooth paste in hand.

"You know my mom, she always keeps extras." He rolled his eyes as I climbed to my feet.

I brushed my teeth and made my self as presentable as a person with green fucking skin could be before we emerged from the restroom. I had never loved my sister more than when I went back in the dining room. She and Jasper had traded seats with EJ and I, obviously understanding that _something_ about Gran had upset me enough to make me puke. Edward pulled my new seat out for me as I sat down.

"Um, I'm really sorry about that." I muttered, unable to look Gran in the eye.

"You should be. Now, why doesn't someone wrap her plate up and help her into the guest room so no one else gets sick?" Gran was still in full on bitch mode.

I let out an aggravated huff before gritting my teeth and speaking. "I'm not _sick_."

I desperately wanted to wait until after everyone ate to spew the news, but it didn't look like that was going to happen. I had hoped to announce it with dessert, maybe make it a toast over coffee and pumpkin pie. EJ and I hadn't spoken about how we wanted to do it, but I figured he'd just take my cues and go with it. I really, _really_ wanted it to go better this time than it had at dinner with Dad and Sue, and since just letting it run out of your mouth like projectile vomit didn't work _then_; I doubted it would work _now._

Gran continued to glare at me while everyone else started to talk and eat. I gripped Edward's hand under the table and just pushed the food around on my plate. It was my favorite fucking meal of the _year_ and thanks to Gran, I'd lost my appetite. _Okay, and thanks to the not-so-morning-sickness too._

After another fifteen minutes of me trying _not_ to notice that Gran was pretending to shoot fucking ice picks into my body with her eyes, I couldn't take it any more. I looked over to Edward who was laughing about something with our friends, and silently pleaded with him to help me.

Eventually he looked over to me, probably sensing that someone was looking at him, and took in my expression. I'm sure the green tone of my skin helped, too. He gave me a small, but worried smile before lifting ours hands from his thigh and kissing my knuckles.

"I've got this Snow White." He whispered with a wink.

I sighed and felt a tad bit better... until he stood up still holding my hand.

"Um… I'd tap my glass with a knife, but I'm sure I'd break the shit and then have to clean up the stupid mess, so I'm just gonna ask everyone to shut up for a second."

Emmett laughed loudly and Esme gave them both that 'is-that-really-appropriate' look from across the table. Rosalie leaned to Ainsley and I assumed asked her to put her fork down before wrapping her long, thin arm around Ainsley's shoulders. Carlisle wiped his mouth as he finished chewing and set his napkin in his lap. My dad took a really big gulp of his beer and Sue tenderly patted his shoulder. Jasper was mixing a bunch of sides to make one big weird ass meal, so Alice dug her elbow into his ribs until he coughed and looked up.

Gran set her fork down perfectly and clasped her hands together before setting them on the edge of the table. Pop looked like a curious little boy, and the other fifteen or so people just looked bored and sort of pissed to have to stop eating and talking.

Edward clenched his fist around his thumb and popped the knuckle in it, I could feel him trying to do it in the hand that I refused to let go of. Finally after a few attempts at popping that thumb and people looking at him expectantly, he spoke.

"So, I know most of you got the news that Emmett and Rosalie got engaged, and um, I think that's really awesome. I'm really, like, stoked to have Rosalie as a new sister. So um, congrats to them." I think everyone thought that was it, because I saw a few hands reach for glasses. "But uh… Sn… I mean, Bella here and I have some news of our own."

He cleared his throat and I could see Esme grab Carlisle's hand over the table, they both smiled broadly.

"So… okay, sorry this is… weird." He let out a nervous laugh and I squeezed his hand and scowled at him. People were getting impatient. "Alright, so here the fuck it goes."

"No swears Uncle EJ! You owe me like, ten bucks just since I've been here!" Ainsley yelled out.

Everyone laughed, including Edward and I felt his body relax. "Sure kid, hit me up at the end of the night. Back to the news, my Bella here is giving me the most kick a… uh… incredible birthday present in the world for my thirtieth birthday… cause that's when um, she's due with, you know, our baby."

_Aaannnddd crickets._ No one made a sound for a good couple of minutes. Including myself. The way he worded it, while it was a bit convoluted, was perfect. He said that I was giving him the most incredible birthday present. He was _happy_. I could see it. _I love him so damn much._

He sat down and I kissed his cheek and whispered that Seamonkey and I loved him. _Hell if I know if the kid actually did, I don't think it even has ears yet, but it was nice to fucking say so get the hell off my back._

Finally everyone picked their jaws up. We got quite a few cheerful 'congratulations' from everyone and a few family members even came over to us to offer hugs and smiles. I started to settle down and get comfortable, and maybe even get some of an appetite again. The storm had passed; we were in the fucking clear. Or so I thought.

"And when did the wedding happen, Edward? Isabella, may I see your ring? You know, it's very rude to not tell your own family when you're getting married." I just stared in complete disbelief as Gran continued to rant while she cut her turkey into tiny bits.

"You could have sent out elopement announcements at the very least. And not even telling anyone that you had become engaged? Well now that's just atrocious behavior, I tell you. Simply atrocious."

She stuck a piece of turkey in her Goddamn mouth and looked at us expectantly. At first, the entire table just sat in stunned silence. You could feel the air get thicker with the tension that was building… it was almost suffocating. After staring at her too-fucking-beautiful-for-her-brain face, I looked to my sister. She was livid.

Her face and chest were bright red and I could see the tendons in her arms popping and pulling in unnatural directions. She was doing _something_ with her hands under the table to keep from punching the God awful woman to her left. Jasper was leaning down, whispering things in her ear, I assume to calm her down. She started to straighten her back and he wrapped an arm around her. To anyone else, it might seem like a calming gesture. To those of us that really _knew_ her, it was to keep her violent ass down.

I looked over to my father, and saw anger there as well. And to my surprise, Sue didn't look warm and kind, like she always did. Her perma-smile was replaced with a grimace so bad that it almost made her ugly and I was actually glad that Leah couldn't make it. I doubted even she had seen this side of her mother.

I chanced another look around the room. Some of the more distant relatives looked confused, like they thought that Edward and I would actually get married and not tell anyone. Emmett had his huge arms crossed over his chest and his head lowered in a menacing way and Rosalie looked just down right _pissed. _Her hands were on her hips and I could see her tits slightly jiggle with what I assumed was the bouncing of her knee.

Ainsley looked like she smelled a bad fart. Even at thirteen she already knew that what her great grandmother had just spewed was garbage.

And then there was Edward. My beautiful EJ, who even in a fit of rage, as I had seen in a couple of bar fights when we were first dating, was still hot; looked bad. _At least as bad as that level of hot can get._ His jaw was tight and his back was board straight and tense. His brows were scrunched together in a weird combination of confusion and anger. His pouty lips were mashed harshly together, making it look like they had disappeared. His left hand was almost crushing mine and his right was gripping his fork so hard that I was willing to bet the inside looked like a plaster cast of his grip.

I heard a sound come from the other end of the table and looked in that direction. Esme looked like she was…_ crying?_ But that couldn't be right, clearly anger was the correct emotion right now. And then I looked harder. Oh, she was angry all right, but I guess she just cried when she got angry. Carlisle was shaking his head and rubbing her back, trying to be as soothing as he could through his disappointment at his mother-in-law.

And then it was time for me to talk. Because I couldn't handle the anger emanating from the people I cared about, and I sure as shit wasn't going to be spoken to like that. I stood up and put my hands on the table, resting my weight on my palms. I leaned forward a little and judging by the look on my dad and Alice's faces, I was sure my expression read noting but pure, seething rage.

I worked to keep my voice calm. "Listen to me you fucking loon; we are not married, we are not engaged, and we. Are. Happy. I'm going to spend my entire life with this man, but we're going to do it _our _way. And I'll be damned if I'm going to spoken to like _that_ by some crazy fucking choir director who's head is so far stuck in the _bible_ that she can't for one second imagine that doing things _differently_ isn't wrong. Even if it's for her grandchildren. I'm not going to hell, and neither is Edward, so you can save that speech for someone who gives a shit about what you think. Would it be so fucking _difficult_ for you to just be happy for your grandson? He's having a fucking _baby _for cryin' out loud! And for the record, you drew your eye brows on too high this morning, your colorist is fucking _stupid_ and needs to be sent back to hair school and that dress makes you look fat."

I turned on my heel to walk out of the room, but not without hearing the loud creek of a chair and the thump of what I was willing to bet was a person landing on the ground. And as I pushed open the swinging door that lead into the kitchen, I heard laughter.

*x*x*x*x*

**Q and A: **

**Have you ever wanted to just go ape shit on a relative like that? I can't even count how many times I've come close. **

**I'm going to try my hardest to get this story on a roll again and get these chapters out weekly. What day of the week would YOU like to see it updated? I dunno what days ya'll get most of your updates, so just let me know in a review! **

**An outtake about how Charlie got the money will be up in a few days! **

**Facebook: Dani Knifewieldinghooker Writes (don't ask, it's a long story)  
Twitter: DaniVandal**

**Rec Time: **

**Art School Confidential by farkle - The setting is amazing and reminded me of high school and art school, but if you don't have any knowledge of art, make sure to have google ready on another tab. But don't worry, she makes up for it with an amazing story and an Edward that you want to screw as much as you want to slap. Her Bella is brilliant but self conscious in a non-annoying way. And Alice is Jewish and throws around Yiddish slang like nobody's business. **

******Under The Apple Tree**** by danieller123 - Bella is a stripper/hooker and gets herself in a tough situation. Edward's had a small peek into her world in the past and reaches out to her. Bella is snarky and a bit uneducated, and even though she's tough and street smart, danieller makes it believeable. But don't get confused, this isn't Edward and Bella as Edward Lewis and Vivan Ward; it's far grittier than that. **

**And lastly, but most certainly not least: The Misapprehension of Bella Swan by HunterHunting - First of all, HH is a brilliant writer and if you haven't read CW&IA then you've been hiding under a rock. But if you have, MoBS isn't anywhere close to that story. Edward is a hockey playing man whore; and Bella is a snarky, awkward college studen with absolutely NO verbal filter. Need I say more? Oh, yeah I do... expect the hottest effing lemon you've ever read... against lockers...**


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